Goodbye to Friendster and my old life

Since 2001 I have always kept this account. I closed it once four years ago when some maligned girlfriend got jealous of a female friend who, surprisingly, is less attractive than her.

So, why, after nine years of patronizing them have I decided to close house?

Although a good friend of mine referred me to it over nine years ago, I was keeping it around looking for someone and hoping this someone would find me. That moment passed. I guess I was just too late to do anything and although I did find the person I was looking for, what I found and what I experienced was both satisfying and disappointing. Satisfying in that I no longer had to wait and wonder what happened to them. Disappointing because I didn't like what I found - BROKEN and hopeless. All these years it was like a big "I AM HERE" sign. That person eventually came and went. It's really weird how the network died for the past couple of months since it all went down. Nothing was moving. I have three friend suggestions - two of them are profiles of people I don't like - that's over a year old. My bulletins are a month old. Before you think I'm overreacting, every month the frequency of activity dropped. First it was "last updated 24 hours ago", then "1 day ago", "1 week" and so on. So please don't tell me I'm overreacting! Everyone was gone and no one even noticed I posted a bulletin asking them if they're okay.

Don't get me wrong! I love Friendster. I've stayed with them for nine years because nothing else makes me feel like home like them. I've tried Hi5, MySpace and I didn't even bother with Multiply because Friendster was it! As much as there are dreaded memories I also have fond memories of it from the old and new friends I found and strengthening the bond between them. It was unforgettable.

All these years I was stubborn to hold on to to certain people in my life. I let go of time and things but people I don't. I guess I was wrong. It IS time to let people go, especially, people you've lost somewhere in the corners of your past. After all, I am somewhat of an expert of letting go!

I guess somehow this was a sign for me. To move forward. To let go of the old life - the old me. There was something better and I don't mean that as a marketing ploy!

Freedom is Sexy

finding my way
Originally uploaded by mchelmartinito

Be it the open air or tight places around the world, man has the gift of freedom in this world.

Do you think bureaucracy and politics can stop us from setting foot around the world? I don't think so! The human being has unlimited potential even while standing still he can reach far and wide.

All these things can be accomplished if we have no one and nothing to weigh us down.

I advise all of you bachelors and bachelorettes out there to stay single "for as long as you can". Believe me, never a committed man or woman will ever give you any positive points for a long term relationship especially if one realizes there are still so many things they wish they did in their short bout of freedom. I have met fathers and mothers in my time. NONE of them ever gave me one piece of redeeming factor in commitment except for the thought if you only wanted kids.

For me, freedom is like currency or an asset. If you have to give that up you must assess the product you are trading. This is a commodity that gives you the luxury of being you.

NEVER give it up out of desperation or depression. If you know how to manage your life these won't be a problem.

NEVER ask someone to give up their freedom if they've only been free for a short time. While your stint with freedom may be long and exciting, robbing someone else of theirs will be inviting their regrets. To put it bluntly, don't get into someone who's way younger than you! They'll probably hate you for the rejection but in the end they'll be thankful.

Lastly, NEVER give up your freedom completely. Be a free spirit. Free spirits can never be chained down. Always give time for yourself and yourself only.

No cares and no worries guys! Live it up!

Mistakes, Failures and Humility

While self-confidence is an admirable quality, there is quite a decent and honorable value in projecting humility in the times of our downfall. In fact, while most of us think of ourselves as gods or, in fact, create one, it is our flaws that give us a huge slap of realization about our humanity.

Everyone makes mistakes. That's a given. Admitting one's mistake is another story because more than once in my experience with people this is surprisingly a daunting task for some individuals.

Ideally in a relationship, be it successful or failed - most especially failed, should be an opportunity to learn - to grow. It is a chance for us to reflect on the things that went right, what went wrong and what is worth appreciating be it good OR bad. Consequentially, the brilliant human beings that we are, we should also formulate what needs to be done for the future.

Sounds pretty simple, right? Mmmm.... I wouldn't exactly say THAT simple. You see, some people have a problem with this and this is where my little unofficial psychology experiment goes: A person who has trouble admitting they did something wrong in their past relationship is unwittingly fated to do it again! You didn't learn anything. You're too stubborn to change so prepare for a world and a lifetime of frustration. Of course, basic human behavior is if you learned what you did wrong you won't do it again. You know, like having sex in a public place and not getting caught or learning that posting nude photos of yourself actually attracts members of the SAME sex.

It surprises me that the world is teeming with people who suffer from attitude problems in this aspect. Every so often I come across people who claim that they did no wrong in their past relationship and that it was their partner's fault. Sure, sure... everyone screws up. That doesn't make you infallible. I stay away from people like these. You can't talk to them you and you can't tell them anything. It's like talking to a raging river - loud and unstoppable but destined to going down and ending in nothingness.

Red lights on three things:
1) Blaming your partner for a failed relationship doesn't speak well of you - even if it's true.
2) Complete inability to admit one's mistakes shows that there is something wrong... WITH YOU.
3) Admitting your mistakes with an excuse that you "loved too much" or that you "trusted them too much" is not a valid concession of your mistakes. It basically translates as "it was my fault that it was their fault". The only person who believes you is you.

I usually see through a person's sincerity if they admit they made emotional lapses (without the usual excuse above) on their part. For me, a person who openly admits their mistakes in a relationship while at the same time answering the "what have we learned" part of that admission is the most sincere of all. Humility is the key to gaining respect. Gaining respect is where you earn your self-confidence and not a moment sooner. You fell you got up by realizing it was you alone who tripped.

That's all there is to it. Just like an insane person admitting their insanity and a drug addict admitting their addiction, the path to recovery starts with you. Don't look for scapegoats in your failed relationships. They don't exist but at least you can start by looking at the mirror!

Video scandals degrade us all

My friend Jas shared this link with me a few hours ago. I was originally thinking about writing my own blog about the whole sex video scandal thing but, what can I say, there's nothing in that blog that she hasn't pulled out of me.

She's right, actually. So right that I've only seen two of the videos and it was probably enough to give me a wet dream for a night but it also left me asking: "Is this it???" This what our entire nation has been reduced to - ogling leaked sex videos of our favorite celebrities as if these people are the cornerstones of our existence. Ironically, to most of us, they are!

C'mon, guys! We've seen this shit since we were in college! What else is new? Are you guys so cheap that you scrimp on seventy pesos for a decent porn video CD? Hasn't everyone heard of torrents yet?

Before y'all say that I'm being a hypocrite about the whole sex video thing, mind you I still prefer a professionally recorded porn video over this ANYTIME. There's no pleasure in watching a hastily and awkwardly recorded video about young couples who have nothing better to do with their time. The idiots and perverts are not the ones on-screen but rather the ones drying their eyes out in ignorant amazement.

Oh, and by the way, don't call them scandals. They're still sex videos! Duh!

My Fantasy Interview

I kinda missed my hometown lately so I wondered to myself, what job could I possibly find back in Cebu that would satisfy me. To my frustration, only one name stood out repeatedly in the list of job openings (Funny, as if they could afford the manpower!).

This is how I'd imagine the interview going in my head:

Interviewers (hypocritical smiles): Welcome back, Chad. Uhm, how much is your asking price if we should consider you?

Chad: I'm leaning towards 50,000 pesos NET. I don't care how much you're going to put on top of that but I that SHOULD be my net pay.

Interviewers (awkwardly snickering in shock): Uhm, is this salary negotiable? Like maybe... lower?

Chad: That's my lowest if you feel that I am worth much more I'm all ears. *grinning*

Interviewers (managing a hypocritical but irate smile): Any specific reason why you are asking this much?

Chad: Well, I heard you pay certain incapable people for much more so I think I'm not asking "too much". *smirking* Don't worry, I was paid more but I've lowered it to match the cost of living in Cebu.

Interviewers (obviously Tagalog): You do realize that the cost of living is far lower here in Cebu than Manila, right?

Chad (now offended by the remark): Please, with all due respect, don't talk to me as if I wasn't born and raised here. I've lived here for 29yrs. Save for my rent, a McDonald's costs just as much as it does here, a KFC costs just as much and a tapsilog costs 50 pesos. There is absolutely NO DIFFERENCE in the cost of living here and in Manila. So if you want to bullshit someone, bullshit someone who doesn't have the homecourt advantage.

Interviewers: I can see you worked for our competitor after working with us. Did you know that you signed an agreement not to work for our competitor after working here?

Chad: Well, yes, but I figured if your company was unable to exhibit a sense of ethics I don't see any reason why I should uphold my end of the bargain. Besides, you guys can't afford a lawyer to go after me.

Interviewers: Is that so, sir?

Chad: Well, unless you can find a lawyer whose fees cost just the same as the rags in your office supplies. Last time I checked you couldn't afford that one either.

Interviewers (smirking): It appears you have quite a "record" here in our company. I believe you received a couple of disciplinary actions in the past. That is going still going to stay when you come back.

Chad: You're seeing it all wrong, Sir and Ma'am. Your company has quite a record amongst your own employees. I wouldn't call them disciplinary actions but rather "reward" for my hard work and, of course, incentive for refusing to sleep with my manager and letting her pet suck my balls. So this is in your favor that I still see this company in a positive light.

Interviewers (disgusted): Sir, I think you better leave. I don't see why you bothered to apply for this job if this is you're bringing this conversation.

Chad (standing up and leaving): Honestly, I had no intention to apply for this job. I just wanted to prove to myself that you guys can really be bullshitted by my no far superior credentials than when I left and you did. You are also under the impression that you can bring me in for the same asking price, which I know you secretly expect. I hate freeloaders! I didn't amass this much knowledge just so you can cash in with as little investment as you can that others have offered.

Interviewers (whispering): Do you think we should call security.

Chad (peering back in): Guys, if I wanted to do something I would have done it a long time ago and succeeded. Believe me. *winking*

Answering the "What Ifs"

I get a lot of comments that I look too young for my age but I would like to state beforehand that I am not saying this in a gloating tone. No, sir.

It has come to my personal annoyance that this has gone on for so long that I am not at all flattered by the fact that no one takes me seriously because I "look young" or the fact that my first name sounds like I am a fucking Muslim terrorist! Mind you that I can land on you like a ton of bricks if you so much as underestimate me in a belittling tone. Well, as all things human would go, it has already been a calculated prediction that how consistently moronic and inconsistently idiotic my post may seem that anyone would bother to take me seriously anyway. Hell, I don't take myself too seriously either!

There are no "fountain of youth" secrets here. I drink, I smoke, I sleep late, I masturbate more than I care to think about and I border on depression and emotionless states. No, these are not the things that keep anyone from looking young and yet I stay that way anyway. Why?

Frankly, I have no idea! I've seen people around me age faster and some, of course, are just like me so no gloating here that I'm the only one blessed with this genetic advantage. I do have one theory though: Experiences.

Those people who look older have gone through so much as opposed to what little I have been through. Is experience the catalyst for rapid aging? I can only speculate about it but the connection seems all too common.

I am a child to the world and I guess I'll forever stay that way. I guess it's because I always play on the safe and comfort zones. Never taking risks and regretting the opportunities that were denied to me. It is only recently that I have started taking on the "what ifs" in my life. I stopped playing safe. I decided to take plunges and leaps of faith. I realized that I am the type who doesn't believe in life after death. This is the only life I've got so I might as well make the most of it. Sure, I know that some risks consequently knock me down in a demeaning or hurtful state but why stay down?

Hey, it was only last week that I was down on my emotions over someone and something that had no obvious direction. Yet, I woke up last Monday feeling somewhat refreshed - rejuvenated - as if I've been incubating in a cocoon. It's really, really strange. I was smiling. I was... HAPPY! I guess it was because I realized that this person was weighing me down trying to keep me in need and making sure that I would always be miserable so I had nowhere else to run. Yet here I am. Smiling. Cheerful. Free. (No, guys, it's not a girlfriend! I've been single for over a year now.) The feeling of doubt in my past was set free. I was moving forward - regardless of the unknown. A "what if" was answered. In fact, a lot of what ifs in this past year were answered. Last year was... tumultuous and yet... satisfyingly interesting. At least I got a new hobby out of it! Plus the fact that I made my family happy and proud. ;)

To top it all off I received this inspiring text message from a friend saying this: "When you have found the reason to walk away, never look back. Just keep on walking, even if the destination is unclear. It will take a lot of courage for every step you make, but it will save some pride and honor for yourself. It's better to get lost moving on thant being stranded and broken after all."

One week and I'm better? God, I love bein' a man! God, next time make it an hour! :)

My Oath To You, Ms. Right

Ms. Right,

I may not have met you nor do I know you yet but I do know that one day when I meet you or when you find this blog this will be my oath to you:

• I know that there may be things you might keep from me and I respect that but I also hope you can do the same about me. I promise that I will try to share everything I can about me.
• We may have our fights. I might say things that can hurt you and you might also do the same. I promise you, by the end of the day, I will still be here. I will still be with you. I will not leave you. I will not love you any less. I hope you will be strong enough to do the same.
• I may not always understand you and you may not always understand me. This will be the cause of our conflicts. If this happens, remember the point above. Please do not mistake our shortcomings as weakness but opportunities to learn to make us stronger together.
• I get jealous but I'm not smothering. I promise you that I will not ask you to change your life or who you are just for me. I accept you for what you are and who you are. If at all, I would wish that you never change.
• The world is a daunting place and I'd imagine you'd have no problems facing it. I promise you that no matter what the world throws at us, I will be by your side facing the world with you. Never be ashamed or too proud to come to me.
• I'm not supposed to spoil you but I promise you that I will try to give you everything you need.
• I know you are not perfect and neither am I. I promise you that I won't demand you to be 100% perfect. Instead, I'm going to be that missing piece of you that will make you and us perfect.
• Lastly, I know I may not hold up all of these things I said, but please help me remember them.
• Most of all, I am willing to grow old with you and I hope that I will never have to disappoint you or break your heart.

These things I offer you and these things I can promise you.