Thursday, December 29, 2005

Setting standards and falling for the wrong one

People say I have high standards when choosing my ideal girl. Truth is I have standards but it's really not that high. I have standards that no one has met so that doesn't necessarily mean I'm asking too much.

Folks, it's actually pointless to set standards. Why? Coz the one we fall for will always be the exception.

But it's really imperative that you set standards for your ideal mate. Why? Because it will mean the difference between satisfaction and regret.

It's not uncommon to find ourselves forcing our hearts to love someone we could not love. It’s even more common to just look the other way and take the dive for the person you are uncertain about thinking you’ll never find the person you want. It's even harder to accept when you fall for someone you least expect only to have it end in the worst possible way you could imagine.

Why does it hurt? Why does loving the wrong person hurt more than loving the right one? It's because you tried so hard to force yourself to love someone that you never wanted. When it ends you think of the effort you've put into it and it was all for nothing. You end up blaming yourself for everything. All in all it was the regret of that action. You're right, you only have yourself to blame. I know, because I blamed myself for wasting my time on the wrong person. Bottom line is, falling in love is falling in love. It doesn't matter whether it was the right one or the wrong one. It hurts just the same because you are in love. It just feels pointless in the end when it was the wrong one.

My gentle reader, you should never lower your standards to tolerate a love interest that doesn't even meet your slightest criteria. Don't sell yourself short. I know being like this may be frustrating but the one you find in the end will be worth the wait. Even if it does end it's not the feeling of emptiness over the wrong person but the sense that you got to do everything for the person who was worth it - even for a little while.

I'm not really sure but loving the person you've wanted gives me fewer frustrations than the one you've only grown to love. Maybe it's because you've always fantasized everything with that person and you've come to realize it. Maybe it's the sense of getting what you've always wanted that gives you satisfaction. I may not have all the answers but I know this is real. Even to this very day, I still look back at that one person I've always wanted but lost. Yep, the one that got away. I have my regrets and I have my mistakes but I still treasure our brief moment together every single day. If you ask me, yes, I would very much take her back. That girl I met one night on May 2001 - the one that got away. I don't care if the rest fall off the face of the earth. I will always love her. Maybe I will find someone else who matches that girl I want or maybe I won’t. There’s someone for us out there and we cannot afford to quit and end up losing them before we find them.

Stick to finding or getting what you want. Only those who know what they want will be successful in life. The person who has the "any will do" mentality has no direction. Don't be desperate. Deal with it!

Whatever happens, I hope one day you don't end up saying: "Shit! What the hell did I see in that person?!"

Thursday, December 15, 2005

How to be happy

Here's my version:

Happines towards Others.
* Maintain a positive outlook.
* Hang around positive people. Shun negative people. Avoid troublemakers. But always be open to them because you may never know when you might learn something useful from them. Most of the meaningful advice I got were from people who are problematic.
* Don't restrict your friends to an exclusive group of people. Not everything you need will be provided by them.
* Be open-minded. The wise man adapts himself to the world while the foolish man adapts the world to himself.
* Don't save greedily but spend wisely. You'll lose more money keeping your money rather than spending it on the things you want.
* Seize opportunities - they may never come again. But be warned! There's no telling the difference between an opportunity and a temptation.
* Don't harbour hatred & revenge.
* Forgive but don't forget.
* Smile
* Respect their opinion. When you respect others' thoughts they will respect yours.
* Learn to follow your own advice. If you can't follow them then don't give any.

Happines towards Love
* Enjoy being single while you still can are. Don't get desperate or fret for being lonely. You'll miss it someday.
* Find a partner that will help you grow as a person. They either make or break you so make your choice count.
* Stick to the person you want. Only when you find that person will you really be satisfied. Never settle for second best. Only the people who know what they want will be successful later in all aspects in their life.
* Be loyal.
* Wipe all insecurities from your mind. If you don't you'll just be destroying yourself and your relationship.
* When it's time to let go don't brood over it. Move on. There's always something better for you.
* Don't give everything. Leave something for yourself.
* Don't fool around or hurt the ones you love coz everything you do will go back to you.
* Don't tolerate immaturity and foolishness in a relationship. They'll only destroy you and everything else.
* Beauty lies both inside and outside us. Anyone who ever said that true beauty lies on the inside is either half-right or just plainly thinks you're ugly.

Happines towards Yourself
* Cry. You'll live longer.
* Dance
* Sing your heart out even if your voice is terrible.
* Don't over-indluge. Too much is bad for you.
* Invest in improving yourself. If you can't take care of yourself you can't take care of others even if you do neglect yourself for others it will come out wrong.
* Take care of your body as much as you can. We only have one throughout our existence.
* Project confidence. People can easily spot someone with insecurities.
* Love yourself. Coz if you don't, no one else will.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Another uneventful day in my cubicle...

Looking around my table I cannot help but notice how much I have accumulated into my little world. Books of various topics related and unrelated to my job, plaques, certificates, memorabilias and toys.

My Samurai X figurine, Battousai the slasher guards my desk. A place formerly held by another figure of my not so distant past. Come to think of it, Battousai belonged to a person who didn't deserve it. Within the nooks of my bookshelf is an NYPD plate I bought in a convenience store outside of New York. In another corner is a broken Nvidia GeForce 4 MX440. On one shelf is my pathetic excuse for work on a 1/24 scale Mazda RX7 with Hot WHeels cars in the backdrop. Below that shelf are two Neko cats (black and white) supposedly to bring me luck.

A maze of wires tangles all the way down under my feet connecting my two computers. I've been meaning to tie them up and make them neat. My PDA's LCD glows in the darkness under my table as it charges and syncs data with one of my computers.

In the gentle solace of my own world I think of that what I have been through this year. It's funny how all the sorrow in your emotions makes you appreciate how precious and fragile our lives are. Life, indeed, is too short to squander it all on grief. But as I look at it now, without grief how can I be happy? Without happiness where is grief? I definitely agree that God made opposites to everything in order for us to appreciate both.

I look around my office and look at my colleagues laughing at each other, smiling and talking to each other. The annoying chatter of whose idea is right and what's being done in their projects are all too familiar to me. I cannot help but appreciate how far I've gone in my life. I feel somewhat honored to be working with such esteemed individuals. Wacky at most but extremely intelligent and creative. An eccentric bunch that never ceases to bring a smile to your face each day. I'm always happy being with them. It seems the only thing that's out of place in this room is me. A somewhat mediocre employee in a company that searches only for the best. Why or how I made it in here is still a mystery to me but I know that my skills do surpass far beyond what my academic records show.

Proud as I am to have known them I cannot get over the feeling that I had given them up for my own personal happiness that was never meant to last.

As I left for the day I look back from the sidewalk at the lone towering building where I work I still wonder how many more of places big and small I will see in my life. New faces and new lives I will meet along the way and lives I will rediscover. I also wonder how many conflicts I will face later. I realized that I have a path that I must follow. God has plans for me. Each day it may or may not become clear. My real job in life is not to quit. I have to keep going. The real pride I have is the fact that I'm still here. So far I'm realizing my dreams one at a time.

I understand.
I understood.
I will understand.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Changes (Excerpts from life)

Eventually all the pieces will fall into place, until then? laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason.

Somewhere along the course of life, you learn about yourself and realize there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

Don't waste your youth growing up.

It's not where you came from, it's where you're going. It's not what's on you, but what's in you. It's not what you're driving, it's what drives you.

If nothing changed, there'd be no butterflies

Life is chaos, chaos is life, control is an illusion

Enjoy yourself. These are the good old days you're going to miss in the years ahead.

It's funny how one moment can change your entire life.

Sometimes you gotta stop and remember,your not gonna live forever. Be young, think smart, stay true, and just follow your heart.

Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time.

So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key.

You gotta take some chances, you gotta risk losing it all, you gotta close your eyes and leap because it just might be worth the fall

Life is about change, sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's beautiful, but most of the time it's both. - Smallville

You cannot always wait for the perfect time, sometimes you must dare to jump.

Sometimes there is no next time, no time out, no second chance... Sometimes it's now or never.

Your whole life is about to change in a way that it will never be the same again, your opening a new chapter, and you have to give a proper goodbye to the old one. You don't want to miss these moments, even the sad ones, because you'll never get them back again. So enjoy this time, let it wash over you so that your memories of it are strong.

Sometimes there are things in our life that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want. Sometimes change is what we really need. And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you'll ever have to do, but sometimes it's saying 'hello again' that breaks you down and makes you the most vulnerable person you'll ever know. Sometimes change is too much to bear, but most of the time change is the only thing saving your life.

There are 2 things which prevent us from achieving our dreams. The first is the belief that they are impossible and the second is seeing them made possible by the twist of the wheel of fortune when we least expect it. For at that moment, all our fears rise to the surface: the fear of suddenly setting off along a road heading god knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, the fear of losing forever all that is familiar

Maybe happiness didn't have to be about the big, sweeping circumstances, about having everything in your life in place. Maybe it was about stringing together a bunch of small pleasures. Wearing slippers and watching Miss. Universe contest Maybe happiness was just a matter of the little up ticks-the traffic signal that said Walk the second you got there-and down ticks-the itchy tag at the back of your collar-that happened to every person in the course of a day. Maybe everybody had the same allotted measure of happiness within each day. Maybe it didn't matter if you were a world-famous heart throb or a painful geek. Maybe it didn't matter if your friend was possibly dying. Maybe you just got through it. Maybe that was all you could ask for.

It's funny how the world changes sometimes, how the streets you walked your entire life seem darker, colder. How the silence isn't so quiet anymore. How eyes you've barely even noticed now look at nothing but you. How the walk home every night is no longer routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder...maybe it's not the world that's changed. Maybe it's just you and then, begin to wonder all over again

I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels better somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be waiting out there. Chances are it could be even worse.

Every night before I go to sleep I lie on my bed and stare up at my blank walls. I try to imagine the future, but right now it's as blank as those walls. All I can see is a past that I barely recognize any more.

As time goes by, life has a way of rearranging itself. People enter your life, and inevitably, they leave as well. Things have a tendency to happen that can turn your world upside down. You'll come to realize eventually, that even though things are different, you are as well.

Bottom line is, even if you see em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change. Not really. But it does. So, what, are we helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. Can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that really counts. That's when you find out who you are.

Change is never easy; you fight to hold on, you fight to let go.

Time is the best and worst thing we've got. Because nothing last forever - but then again, nothing ever stays the same

We can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relieve a happy moment, or say goodbye just one last time, we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can't turn the hourglass over.

Growing up happens in a heartbeat. one day you're in diapers, next day you're gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place... a town... a house like a lot of other houses. A yard like a lot of other yards... On a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is... after all these years, I still look back... With wonder.

Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... For growing up.

It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past. You can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. Because life'd be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that's a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days - but as long as you let the past go, you'll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it.

Being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up, these are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually u'll finally get it right. -The Ataris

When is the age or even the moment when you go from being kids to being something else? People say that we're growing up too fast today. Sometimes adults make it sound like it's our fault or at least our choice, but how can we not? We feel invincible, we know so much. One thing I do know is that we're so edgar to lose our innocense and I wonder if one day, we'll look back and wish we hadn't

When exactly did we go from being kids to just being people, I'm not sure. I do know that it's not about turning a certain age or graduating from school. It happens when you're not paying attention. We go from playing with our friends to playing with our friend's feelings. Without our knowledge or consent childhood slips away in the night and our innocence escapes us and we wake up one morning to find we have become who we are.

I wonder if one day when you look back on your life you'll see its not always about the big picture. It's really all about the moments and maybe one day you'll look back and string all those moments together and then you'll realize when you add them all up,your life is more meaningful than you could have dreamed.

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces. Each one is different, but they're always the same. They mean me no harm but its time that I face it, they'll never allow me to change... But, I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong... I'm moving on.

We all start out in kindergarten thinking we can be anything we want to be. And by the time we get here, we've all lost that feeling. We've all started to believe whatever our friends or our parents have told us about what we can achieve in life and who we can be. And we've forgotten about the possibility we had when we were younger.

Still remember the world from the eyes of a child, slowly those feelings were clouded by what I know now. Where has my heart gone, an uneven trade for the real world. I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all.

Just when a catepillar thinks the world is going to end, it turns into a butterfly.

The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt .

You start life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make your mark. You face decisions, make choices. You keep moving forward. But sooner or later there comes a time where you look back over where you have been... and wonder who you really are

Everything changes eventually. Thats just the way life is. And you have no control over it. Suddenly people you thought would always be there disappear. People die, they move away, and they grow up.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

The young faces in these pictures represent times when our biggest worries were Barbie and Ken's wedding, GI Joe's missing arm, and why we had to eat vegetables at dinner again. Looking at these pictures today, sometimes we, the seniors, wish we could go back to such carefree days. But at the same, time moving on with our lives, making new memories, and gaining independence have become exciting realities that were once ideas that seemed so far away. Since sixth grade we have counted down the days until graduation. Now as the day approaches we are still anxious, but somewhat nervous. The faces in these pictures remind us of the people we once were and still are, the friends we have grown up with and also whom we will graduate with. Surviving the past 12 years wasn't easy, but in that time we had some of the best experiences of our lives. Those times are what made it worthwhile.

Remember when you thought boys had cooties...when friends were new, dreams were un-shattered and worries few...when recess was too short and life was too long...decisions came easily without need to belong...when storks delivered the babies and passions weren't so strong...friendships were un-broken...right was right, and wrong was wrong...when bad things didn't happen...when only skinned knees brought tears and the night light in it's socket quieted all our fears...when farewell meant just for summer and real friends didn't part...the fun went on forever and never left a broken heart.

People change its a part of life, but sometimes its easier to hold on to the memories of who they were..rather then to realize who they have become

The reason people hold onto memories for so long is because its the only thing that doesnt change.

It suck when someone you know becomes someone you knew.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. - Irene Peter

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The Art of Letting Go

This is a song by an artist named Mikaela. I've never heard of her. I don't know if any of you heard of this song or of the artist but I found it in one of my brother's folders. I was about to write another poem but it just wouldn't come out right. I heard this song and it really struck a chord in me. Somehow it was kinda like a sign. One of those days, I guess. I was thinking something up when suddenly I stumbled upon this song.

I searched the net for the lyrics and this is how the song goes.


Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you

Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.


I'm posting this song here so someday, after a long, long time, I will look back at this and remember how love comes and goes. I want this to remind me of how difficult it is to give in to emotion and just go blind to everything else.

You'll probably figure out who this song goes out to. This is how life goes on. For you, I'm letting you know that my emotions will set me free. My captor and my liberator. There will be no chains around my heart for you. Someday I will set myself free.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Broken hearted today.

It finally happened. I lost her.

I'm feeling so down now. Can't think straight. How I wish I could turn back the clock.

It's probably my fault. Maybe I didn't love her enough. But I do know that for my part I loved too late. That's my mistake. This is my punishment. For taking her for granted. That movie "If Only" is something I wished happened to me. If only I had a chance to do it all over again. If only I could do it differently. But what for? She would still leave if I couldn't do it right.

That's reality. Dreams are for dreamers and reality is what we face everyday. Something I can never change. I dreamed for forever and didn't realize it was a dream. I look at the world now and I see a life that still has to recover it's meaning. A meaning I disrepected and paid dearly.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Signs of a failing relationship

Signs of a failing relationship
We often find ourselves asking if your partner is for real. The last advice I gave was how to get over a break-up. Now here are telltale signs to tell you it's time to jump ship or you sink with it.

1. Your partner suddenly needs time for themselves.
Ok, the common excuse. Since when did you guys need time away from each other when you can't stand being away? It's a withdrawal symptom. The first step in staying away from you. Most of the time is the claim of independence or some lame excuse like they don't want to be around you too much because they might be dependent on you.

2. They slowly take away from the time you're supposed to have together
"Sorry, honey, I have something to settle this weekend" or "I have to do this or I'll lose my job." or "I think I have to do this because I need it." This goes in conjunction with the first sign. Slowly, but consistently taking from your time together that before ou know it you have no time at all. C'mon, this is the ultimate ingredient that things are falling apart.

3. Suddenly so busy.
It never bothered you guys before. Why now? No matter how busy you guys were you always found time for each other. But now your partner isn't even trying. Always too tired to see you or have no time for a quick meet when all you ever wanted was to see their faces.

4. What you want they don't want.
Suddenly the things you enjoy doing or the things you want to get have no interest to them.

This doesn't need figuring out. It's obvious that they just want to contradict you because they just don't want it your way.

5. Changing of priorities.
Things they used to value, promises they made when the relationship was fresh eventually become pushed into the backstage. You find yourself being told that "this is not important" or "that is not important" when in fact you have agreed that this all of the things you treasured are important. Suffice it you are one of these "things" that are no longer "THAT IMPORTANT".

6. Renewal of vows
...and I don't mean marriage, folks. When you remind them of all the sweet things they did or said or promised they deny ever saying it or have completely forgot. This is because of their pulling away. They want nothing to do with you and are ashamed of it. I know it hurts but let's just get with reality. Nobody is like us romantics who can promise the sun, the moon, the stars and throw in eternity as a package deal.

7. Everything is just cold.
All the spark of enthusiasm is gone. When the flames die down reality sets in. It just wasn't love but just words. Ever felt like you're now being ignored? Useless? Forgotten?

Once all of these things are showing up too coincidentally it's time to close shop and jump ship will you still can. If you hold on, there's a big chance the damage is far, far worse. Ever heard of people being sucked down by a sinking ship? Save yourself, coz sure as hell your partner won't. They will be the last person to help you when all this goes down.

Here's one snap of reality for all of you reading this: Falling out of love is OUR reality. Deal with it because there will always be people out their who claim an unfaltering love but will eventually douse it down with their own selfish needs.


These things don't necesarily mean a 3rd party. As some of you probably heard me say

"There's more than one way to cheat in a relationship." Two-timing is just one of them but definitely not the only way to hurt you.

I have no explanation for people falling out of love. It just happens. What we can do is deal with it because there will always be people out there willing to take advantage of us.

Monday, June 27, 2005

My beloved nation is collapsing... but it's too small!

History has it that Rome collapsed due to the weight of its empire. It was too big and too corrupt to be controlled through the nearly one thousand years of its supremacy.

My country barely reached the size and maturity of Rome and yet here it is, collapsing under it's own weight. As if it's really that big. Our population is roughly one-eigth the size of the United States and dwarfed even more by the population of China. Why, then, is it falling apart?

My country has the most number of politicians running for office than anywhere else in the world. The fact that they invest millions trying to get into a seven-figure-a-month job is already raising eyebrows. Would you think these people are so stupid to waste their money without expecting it back? In a business perspective, you invest millions in order to get twice that amount. Why then, invest millions running for office? You don't get paid that much! Unless, get the idea. Get real and do the math! All they have are broken promises to justify their positions. If they're not too busy bickering among themselves they're busy bickering about everything else. They are so fond in complaining about what's not being done. What's so funny about this is that what's not being done is what they are paid to do in the first place! Then they turn around and tell you "it's not their job". Please, leave the complaining to the citizens! That's our job and NOT YOURS!

To add up to the above "compliment", there's the media and entertainment industry running for office along with the political jokers. The masses actually think that their beloved actors who have absolutely NO KNOWLEDGE of running a country are better than the morons we already have.

The people of this country haven't heard of the term impeachment until the day the United States made a move to impeach Clinton. Now, almost on all occasions the opposing forces of the presidency just use that infernal term for every other mistake the president makes. What's the matter, guys? You can't handle a woman leading our country instead of your balls? While you're too busy comparing penis sizes she's too busy actually getting some work done. She doesn't have a dick to even bother competing with your little hormonal debacle.

The media and entertainment industry, likewise, aren't helping at all. This country is poor and I am not ashamed to admit it. We all have to start at the bottom. But what's so infuriating is the media depicting poverty as if it's a good thing. We see movies of criminals and informal tennants fighting for their right to be left alone. They claim they are being discriminated. Come on! The only real victims of those movies are the lives that were lost and the owners who spent their life's savings for a land that others occupied for free. Yet these very victims are the bad guys in these movies!

Then there's that overwhelming barrage of romance and Rated-R movies to complement the eventual celebrity gossip shows that follow. Tell me, does love pay the rent? Probably the actors can pay the rent with their good looks but not the rest of us. Encouraging too much fucking doesn't help fix our population problem. To a more mature audience your shows may have a point but what makes you think the people watching your shows are close to that expectation? You are exploiting the ignorance of the poor! Why not give us something more meaningful?! Why not show them what they should be doing instead of showing them what others are doing for them?

Media folks, can't you put something on your programs instead of celebrity gossip? Please stop! It diminishes the brain. The government is refusing to add to the budget on education, you might as well help with that problem on your channels. They feel ignorance is a good way for them to stay in power.

Erap para sa mahirap! (Erap for the poor!) It's no wonder Joseph Estrada won the presidency! By exploiting the need of the poor he was able to win the majority.

Foreigners compliment us for our happy-go-lucky nature. Yes, we are happy-go-lucky! Is that really what we are or are we just so ignorant of the gravity of our situation? Kids playing happily in dirty flood waters may seem fun to a foreigner but hardly a laughing matter when you think about the hundreds of diseases they are drinking. A pregnant mother smiling in front of a camera asking for money while carrying a 14-month old child in her arms along with half a dozen more of her children in the background is not an example of a happy-go-lucky outlook. It is a sign of irresponsibility! The only help she should be asking for is to get free ligation. What can I say? Ignorance is bliss!

There you have it. You patriotics out there can refute this testimony all you want but the truth is in plain view. The only thing worse than lying to everyone else is lying to yourself! Wake up and smell the roses or shall I say "the rot underneath our country"! Are you really reacting because of your pride or on behalf of our country? You were born here but the country itself does not acknowledge your existence. Spare me the hypcrisy! Your pride in our country is overshadowed by your undeniable ideal to find work outside of it. If you are so proud of your country, why not stay here and dismiss all delusions of going to America or whatever country you so selfishly desire. Chances are you won't get into them anyway unless you have half a million pesos to show the travel agency. Instead of trying to justify the opposite of this blog, why not do something to prove your side? If you are so proud of our country, what have you done for it? I know I have...I'm doing it now so all of you can wake up and help flush out the infection eating at our nation. Spare me the media exposure as well. I don't watch local channels. There's nothing good but gossip shows and more romance TV series. ;P Even if I were in it I still wouldn't watch myself because I'd probably end up in the gossip section.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

In Dreams

Why is it when I am awake I feel like the whole world is not real? I see the hatred, the disgust, and the indifference in the world but yet I do not seem to care. Everything seems to be a blur - unreal. Death doesn't seem to bother me anymore. I can't fathom the misery of the experience and yet we all know it is the inevitable. Perhaps we see it too often that we have numbed our senses to it and yet we know it is there in this so-called "reality". Things just happen all the time that you can't help but ask ask, "Is it real?"

Why is it when I sleep I cry over the most little things that I would consider rather silly? I feel the anger and I feel the love. I feel what I see and always know what to do in situations that would leave me frozen in shock. I cry over comrades lost in a battle that never took place. I laugh with friends I never knew. In dreams my emotions run wild. I surrender to every emotion that overwhelms me. Here, I see visions of tomorrow and times forgotten and sometimes I dream of both in unity. But in truth, I do not even remember the past life that was in my waking moments. I am in a surreal world of vast wonder and endless possibilities. I can feel love, hate, beauty and disgust that I can really touch. In this world that would otherwise be considered unreal to everyone else other than me, this is my reality. Why? Why is this more real to me? I do not care. For as long as I am awake I could not care less for this world that is not my own.

But the question is which memories are the right ones? In my dreams I awaken memories I never knew existed yet I do not recall it in my consciousness. All I have is just a grain of that memory and a weakening, sickening feeling that I have something stuck at the furthest corners of my mind. Even if I did find it again, this reality would not point a place in my mind from where it belonged. Yet it my slumber these memories and knowledge fall in clarity with this... reality! Why?

These are my dreams. My only escape from a world that is much stranger than fiction. This is me. Each night I close my eyes and trap my mind into this cramped cranial receptacle and enter eternity. This is my reality. Welcome to my world. The world of a dreamer.


Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Are You Selfish In A Relationship?

By Chad

1. You make them happy to make yourself happy. Ok so you're just doing this to make yourself happy then? You're doing it because you know you're getting something out of it. Take note that not all the things you do for them will necessarily make you happy but it will make their love for your grow. So which one are you after, happiness or love? They sound the same but believe me, they are completely different. Happiness is only for being happy while love let's you enjoy happiness and withstand sadness. Remember that the world doesn't live on happiness alone so if you're just after being happy then you'll only face a life of frustration by trying to construct a world that can never exist. "The wise man adapts himself to the world while the foolish man tries to adapt the world to him."

2. You give because you are ashamed of not giving anything. Trying to reciprocate because you feel obligated is a very wrong attitude. Sooner or later you will realize that you are doing things you do not understand and find that you're just forcing yourself. Don't pretend! This is a very self-enslaving attitude. You'll only hurt that person in the end.

3. If your family is showing negativity to your partner, you defend your partner. If you say you protect them because your family is trying to attack your private life then you are once again focusing on yourself rather than your partner. This is yet another selfish reason. You're not really protecting your partner out of love but rather you are protecting your personal life.

4. Doing things in the relationship just so everyone will say you're a good bf/gf. Ok, so now we're back in the obligated part. We do things because we are obligated rather than because we care and love that person. Most of all, we hide who we really are just so our negative personalities will not be discovered. Without love, your efforts will lead a tortuous life because of your pretentious motives. Sooner or later you will break and you will be exposed. Most of all, you can't be yourself! What' the point of having a special someone if you can't be yourself when you're around them? Of course, nobody loves a hypocrite. Why should we love someone who only "PRETENDS" to love us? I'd rather vote for a politician then I'd be doing a great contribution to a greater good!

5. Being passive. No fights, no arguments and always having it your way or your partner's is a sign of a frozen relationship. If you don't fight, then both of you are blind to each other's weaknesses. If you don't argue, you may have a lapse in your communication. This could be a potential threat in your ability to communicate with each other. All these negative elements, although unpleasant, are essential for a growing relationship. Lack thereof would mean the relationship is at a standstill and not going anywhere at all.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Lies Men Tell

Ok. So these aren't exactly lies. Oops! Now I lied! hehehe...

They are more of the common monologues that men tell women and you just end up lying to yourself about their true intentions. Why? Because women still get blinded sweet talk! Now, guys, I know this is a generalization. I know I may be betraying my brethren here but bear with me! I'm rambling here! =P

"I thought you were I easy but I realize that you shouldn't be taken lightly. You should be taken seriously."

Ok, this is the mode switch tactic. That's like saying if you were easy I'd take you easy. If you were serious I'd take you seriously. In other words, the guy is just riding on to what you are. He's just leveling with you. When everyone gave you the advice that "guys will just say anything", they were right listen to them. Just because the guy said this doesn't mean your ego just goes soaring through the roof. Remember, for every one guy there are 10 women. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL RECEIVE THAT CRAP. So don't assume that you're the only one a guy has said this to. You can look at it this way, from your point of view you're the only girl the guy has said such words to you but I ask you: How many guys have told you that?

He's Serious with you?

Sure! Anyone can be serious if they put their mind to it. But remember, being serious in a relationship also clashes with a person's natural attitude. So if they are serious but hiding their bad side then it would hinder their ability to deliver. In other words, they're not being themselves. Getting a relationship to work does not mean a heavy serving of words with promises. It requires HARD (and I emphasize VERY HARD) work. It's not just dates and intimacies. It's about talking about compromises and planning ahead. Sponaneity can be for later. So if you want to get your relationship to work, get off your ass, shut up and get to work and show something for it!

A serious boyfriend doesn't necessarily mean a unique or interesting relationship. You could be just looking at an ordinary relationship. There has to be the chemistry between you. You know, the things about both of you that just "CLICKS". It's hard finding something like that with someone else. Anyone can start a new relationship! It can be tomorrow I can start a new relationship with someone I just met on the street! Yes, it's easy to start with someone new and you can do stuff you never did but will the new one appreciate it? Will they like the same things you liked in your past relationships? Will they appreciate the kind of person you are?

Unable to commit?

There are only two general reasons.
1. Fear of being hurt due to a past hurt.
2. Waiting for someone to come back to them.

Basically, to put it bluntly, he's just NOT THAT INTERESTED in you.

As I've read in another article, if your guy has a string of children by different women, don't even think for one second he'll treat you differently. You can deny it all you want but if you're looking at the maternity angle, he wasn't even man enough to face the responsibility what makes you think you'll be any different? Never expect to be the one to make your man change. Change is internal. No one can make that happen but them.

Also, be practical. We know love is accepting your partner's faults and attitude. But what if your boyfriend asks you to be someone else? Remember pointer #1. Also ask yourself these questions:
Am I willing to give up what I am for a guy?
What for?
Is it worth it?
Do I like being treated as a trapped creature and unable to be free to do what I want?


Sex is a girl's best expression of love to a guy. Once you give yourself to a guy your heart will never be the same again. The reason why it's hard for you to let go is because you're thinking: "I gave my body and soul to you. I expect you to give me all your love and affection in return." You're upset because you never got it. He got what he wanted but you didn't. Your mind is clouded because you still bring back the idea that your body was used. NEVER use sex as a basis for expecting something. A guy may not be after sex but he could be using it to cloud your mind. This is unquestionably true. If you give yourself to him and the guy is just fooling around, don't use it as an excuse to get what you want. Otherwise, you'll be stuck in the waiting game expecting him to change because of what you gave him. In the end, you'll just hate yourself when things don't turn out as you wanted it to be. You'll just keep waiting and waiting and before you know it you've wasted your life waiting for nothing.

So with all these things in mind, how, then, do you know if a guy is being true to you? The answer may surprise you. This applies to looking for a true girlfriend. All you need to find is a good person. Someone who you know will bring out the best in you. That's all. It's that simple! You're not looking for someone who is known to be a good partner or CLAIMS to be a good partner. You don't even have to look for a person who knows how to handle a relationship. Anyone can pretend to be that. I know women are very observant. If you can observe a guy for just an hour or so then you can tell if he is a good person or not. NEVER IGNORE warning signs of his attitude or behavior. Maintain your standards. If a man is good in handling is life by himself then he can and will be able to handle a relationship whether he knows it or not. Responsible people are not afraid to take risks. I am not that responsible and I admit that most of the time I don't take risks.

Despite the standards we set for our ideal mates, the one we fall for will always be the exception.

Lastly, here's the single and toughest part to accept. NEVER believe that the relationship will never end. Things happen. Happiness doesn't last forever - it's a fact of life! Take it as it comes and accept the fact that you must move on.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Getting over and moving on

A lot of these have been going around and I just thought I'd share this advice with everyone based on my experiences.

If you're heartbroken and need advice, come on in and read on!

Keep Yourself Busy
I once made this terrible mistake of losing my job and my girlfriend in a short span of time. The months that followed were a nightmare that never ended. If you have nothing to keep you busy your mind will brood on the break-up plus the fact that you have no source of income to cheer yourself up is more than enough to drive you in a deep state of depression. So whatever it is, whether it is a hobby or a job, keep your mind focused on doing something else.

Old Stuff Out
If your partner is fond of giving you decorations for your room or some other place, take them all down. All that junk are just more reasons for you to brood over the break-up. For example, you might have a stuffed toy at your top drawer that he/she gave you. The first thing you see when you wake up is that damn toy! The minute you wake up your day is ruined by the memory of that toy. So to avoid bringing back painful memories of that person just get rid of all the things that remind you of him/her. (That doesn't include the bed.) Pictures, figurines, jewelry and letters are the recommended stuff I suggest you get rid of. No minor detail should be overlooked. Imagine yourself a criminal trying to get rid of the evidence. Pieces of paper with their names on it or letters or small mementos should never be ignored. Scour your entire place for anything that gives you the slightest reminder of them. You don't want to be stumbling into it in the future and we may not know how we may feel if we remember it.

No Contact
If you really want to get over that person avoid contact with them. Some idealistic exes (the heartbreaker) think that it's ok to be "just friends". I tell you this now: IT NEVER WORKS! Stay away from them because you will be re-igniting a flame you want to put out in the first place. Fellow reader, if they tell you they want to be "JUST FRIENDS", it is the most pathetic, egotistical and hypocritical thing they can ever do to you. Ask yourself, why would I want to be friends with someone who has hurt me over and over? Even your own friends wouldn't do that to you! It's the lowest of the low! The last person you need telling you to feel better is them. I, for one, definitely don't want it from them. Remember Pontius Pilate washing his hands of Jesus' crucifixion? Believe me, this isn't far different from that. ;) We all know that once you've crossed the line from friendship to intimacy there's no turning back. The next time you hear that line tell them to get a dog.

Take note, my fellow reader, that this is the best advice I can give you but it is also the most tormenting and difficult to do. I, for one, find it hard to accomplish this. Without ever accomplishing this, none of the advice in this blog will work. This advice is akin to me telling you to stop smoking if you're a smoker. I can, however, promise you this: that the moment you are able to get through that one day without contacting them, the rest will be a breeze and time will just go by. There will be lingering feelings but it will be more bearable with each passing day. That is IF you decide to make that first day work. When the communication stops, the healing starts.

Stop thinking about the Sex
This is an unwitting reason why women brood over their past boyfriend. Although you may think that it has nothing to do with it, this is a subconscious factor women never notice. Deep down inside you're thinking: "I gave my body to you I expect you to give me all your love and affection." When the guy doesn't reciprocate you feel used. But you blame your attraction on the sweet things the person did. The reason why you hold on is because you're still waiting for that thing that person never gave you. It's easier for a woman to get over her guy if nothing happened between them as opposed to someone who did it. To counter this feeling just put it in your head that the sweet things this guy did is not unique - anyone can do that for you. This will bring you back to the sex. The minute you accept the fact that it was the sex the more you can accept the fact that you were just used and it's not worth it.

If you've been cheated on, then this makes it even harder. Your mind just keeps racing with thoughts of betrayal from your partner. I admit I cannot even wipe these thoughts from my head but life must go on. It has happened and now apology on earth can change that.

Be a Good Sport
He/She cheated on you? Used you? Left you hanging? Left without saying goodbye? "When I find you I'm going kill you!" is probably your first thought. NEVER harbor anger, hatred and regret in your heart. If you're hell-bent on revenge, I warn you now. You'll never see the end of it. It already happened to me before. Even if you get what you want the hatred is still there. You'll just keep coming back for more and more and sometimes you'll go too far. When you come to your senses you'll never understand what came over you but it will just keep coming and it will never stop. How to stop? Accept the fact that you've been had. It's only human for us to succumb to our emotions. You fell in love and you got hurt. Let it go!

Keep Your Chin Up
Never show them you're hurt. Whether they sympathize or they are proud to have hurt you this will give them an ego boost, which is something you don't want them to have. Show them you're doing fine without them and you're moving on happily with your life.

Don't talk about them
Although I'd recommend spending time with your friends I suggest you minimize focusing the topic on your heartbreak. Talking about it is good but carrying on too long will also prolong the hurt. If you've already shared your story to some friends don't talk about it again and even if you haven't told anyone. Just tell them you don't want to talk about it and suggest that they ask the people you've already told.

Remember folks! This only works if you do this. If you hesitate then there's no one else on earth who can help you except you. The hurting stops when the thinking stops and the healing starts.

Once you get up on from your knees and recover the next time you go into a relationship remind yourself that nothing is forever. All good and bad things must come to an end. It's the balance of life. Hard to do? Yes I know. Let me know if you've figured it out.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Free Falling Suicide

I often wondered what it would be like to commit suicide without really dying. Of all the methods I've fantasized about the one thing that really astounded me was jumping off a tall building. I can't blame those people who died this way for choosing such a demise. It must've been the most soul-freeing act they could have possibly experienced.

How would I know? I'm here, writing this - alive! But last night I dreamt of it. I stood atop a high rise building where the clouds partially obscured my view of the surface. I felt so sad, so lonely, so depressed and so lost. I couldn't understand why I felt that way in that dream. It was as if life has lost its meaning - a feeling of overwhelming emptiness. I could see the world above and below. People were all around and yet deep inside my heart I felt alienated. The world was a dark and cold world without a sense of purpose and a sense of belongingness. I thought of the people I cared about but for some reason I didn't care. Doubt was taking over my thoughts of them. How would I really know if they cared or they loved me back? Maybe all of this was just a façade. I could not take this feeling anymore so took a deep breath, closed my eyes and I lept.

The constant acceleration of the fall inexplicably left me with a feeling of delight. It was like an orgasmic feeling that held itself while still at the peak. It doesn't stop there. It just keeps feeling better and better as I fall faster. My mind was clear and everything in life that I've been through, whether good or bad, didn't really matter anymore. It was like an uncontrolled male libido that you just can't say 'no'. I was now letting go of everything and letting the floating feeling embrace my soul. How I'd wish this feeling lasted forever.

At that brief moment before impact I woke up and my heart was pounding like I've just been through a wild ride. I understand now why those lost souls chose this as their demise. They were free from the world, free from the pain and free from themselves. It's because for the last few minutes of their pathetic lives they were free.


Note: Kids don't try this at home. :P

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

10 Types of Relationships that won't work

1. You care about your partner more than he does about you.
2. Your partner cares more about you than you do about him.
3. You are in love with your partner's potential.
4. You are on a rescue mission.
5. You look up to your partner as a role model.
6. You are infatuated with your partner for external reasons.
7. You have partial compatibility.
8. You choose a partner in order to be rebellious.
9. You choose a partner as a reaction to your previous partner.
10. Your partner is unavailable.

6 BIGGEST mistakes we make in the beginning of a relationship:
1. We don't ask enough questions.
2. We ignore warning signs of potential problems.
3. We make premature compromises.
4. We give in to Lust Blindness.
5. We give in to material seduction.
6. We put Commitment Before Compatibility.

7 Wrong Reasons to be in a Relationship:
1. Pressure (age, family, friends, etc.)
2. Loneliness and desperation
3. Sexual hunger
4. Distraction from your own life
5. To avoid growing up
6. Guilt
7. To fill up your emotional or spiritual emptiness.

The Lust into Love Formula
1. First, you feel powerful sexual chemistry with someone or, in raw terms, lust.
2. Next, you act on those urges and have sex with that person.
3. Then you experience some guilt or discomfort having been so sexually intimate with someone you aren't that emotionally connected with.
4. Finally you create a relationship with that
person to legitimize your lust.

5 Realities about Love
1. Love is not enough to make a relationship work it needs compatibility and it needs commitment.
2. It just takes a moment to experience infatuation, but true love takes time.
3. It is possible to experience true love with more than one person there are many potential partners you could be happy with.
4. The right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them.
5. Good sex has nothing to do with true love, but making love does.

5 Deadly Myths about Love
1. True love conquers all.
2. When it's really true love, you will know it the moment you meet the other person.
3. there is only one true love in the world who is right for you.
4. the perfect partner will fulfill you completely in every way.
5. when you experience powerful sexual chemistry with someone, it must be love.

Fatal flaws to watch out for in a partner:
1. Addictions.
2. Anger.
3. Victim consciousness.
4. Control freak
5. Sexual Dysfunction.
6. Hasn't grown up.
7. Emotionally unavailable.
8. Hasn't recovered from past relationships.
9. Emotional damage from childhood.

Here are 7 compatibility time bombs that can
destroy a relationship:
1. Significant age difference.
2. Different religious background.
3. Different social, ethnic, or educational background.
4. Toxic in-laws.
5. Toxic ex-spouse.
6. Toxic Stepchildren.
7. Long-distance relationships.

6 Qualities to look for in a mate:
1. Commitment to personal growth.
2. Emotional openness
3. Integrity
4. Maturity and responsibility
5. High self-esteem.
6. Positive Attitude towards life

"TRUE LOVE cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor cannot be hidden where it truly does."

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Growing Up

This is a nice story. :)

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm 87 years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends.

Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk non-stop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.

She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium.

As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began: "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. "You have to laugh and find humor every day."

"You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!"

"There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change."

"Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.


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