Thursday, May 05, 2005

In Dreams

Why is it when I am awake I feel like the whole world is not real? I see the hatred, the disgust, and the indifference in the world but yet I do not seem to care. Everything seems to be a blur - unreal. Death doesn't seem to bother me anymore. I can't fathom the misery of the experience and yet we all know it is the inevitable. Perhaps we see it too often that we have numbed our senses to it and yet we know it is there in this so-called "reality". Things just happen all the time that you can't help but ask ask, "Is it real?"

Why is it when I sleep I cry over the most little things that I would consider rather silly? I feel the anger and I feel the love. I feel what I see and always know what to do in situations that would leave me frozen in shock. I cry over comrades lost in a battle that never took place. I laugh with friends I never knew. In dreams my emotions run wild. I surrender to every emotion that overwhelms me. Here, I see visions of tomorrow and times forgotten and sometimes I dream of both in unity. But in truth, I do not even remember the past life that was in my waking moments. I am in a surreal world of vast wonder and endless possibilities. I can feel love, hate, beauty and disgust that I can really touch. In this world that would otherwise be considered unreal to everyone else other than me, this is my reality. Why? Why is this more real to me? I do not care. For as long as I am awake I could not care less for this world that is not my own.

But the question is which memories are the right ones? In my dreams I awaken memories I never knew existed yet I do not recall it in my consciousness. All I have is just a grain of that memory and a weakening, sickening feeling that I have something stuck at the furthest corners of my mind. Even if I did find it again, this reality would not point a place in my mind from where it belonged. Yet it my slumber these memories and knowledge fall in clarity with this... reality! Why?

These are my dreams. My only escape from a world that is much stranger than fiction. This is me. Each night I close my eyes and trap my mind into this cramped cranial receptacle and enter eternity. This is my reality. Welcome to my world. The world of a dreamer.

CH4:D

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Are You Selfish In A Relationship?

By Chad

1. You make them happy to make yourself happy. Ok so you're just doing this to make yourself happy then? You're doing it because you know you're getting something out of it. Take note that not all the things you do for them will necessarily make you happy but it will make their love for your grow. So which one are you after, happiness or love? They sound the same but believe me, they are completely different. Happiness is only for being happy while love let's you enjoy happiness and withstand sadness. Remember that the world doesn't live on happiness alone so if you're just after being happy then you'll only face a life of frustration by trying to construct a world that can never exist. "The wise man adapts himself to the world while the foolish man tries to adapt the world to him."

2. You give because you are ashamed of not giving anything. Trying to reciprocate because you feel obligated is a very wrong attitude. Sooner or later you will realize that you are doing things you do not understand and find that you're just forcing yourself. Don't pretend! This is a very self-enslaving attitude. You'll only hurt that person in the end.

3. If your family is showing negativity to your partner, you defend your partner. If you say you protect them because your family is trying to attack your private life then you are once again focusing on yourself rather than your partner. This is yet another selfish reason. You're not really protecting your partner out of love but rather you are protecting your personal life.

4. Doing things in the relationship just so everyone will say you're a good bf/gf. Ok, so now we're back in the obligated part. We do things because we are obligated rather than because we care and love that person. Most of all, we hide who we really are just so our negative personalities will not be discovered. Without love, your efforts will lead a tortuous life because of your pretentious motives. Sooner or later you will break and you will be exposed. Most of all, you can't be yourself! What' the point of having a special someone if you can't be yourself when you're around them? Of course, nobody loves a hypocrite. Why should we love someone who only "PRETENDS" to love us? I'd rather vote for a politician then I'd be doing a great contribution to a greater good!

5. Being passive. No fights, no arguments and always having it your way or your partner's is a sign of a frozen relationship. If you don't fight, then both of you are blind to each other's weaknesses. If you don't argue, you may have a lapse in your communication. This could be a potential threat in your ability to communicate with each other. All these negative elements, although unpleasant, are essential for a growing relationship. Lack thereof would mean the relationship is at a standstill and not going anywhere at all.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Lies Men Tell

Ok. So these aren't exactly lies. Oops! Now I lied! hehehe...

They are more of the common monologues that men tell women and you just end up lying to yourself about their true intentions. Why? Because women still get blinded sweet talk! Now, guys, I know this is a generalization. I know I may be betraying my brethren here but bear with me! I'm rambling here! =P

"I thought you were I easy but I realize that you shouldn't be taken lightly. You should be taken seriously."

Ok, this is the mode switch tactic. That's like saying if you were easy I'd take you easy. If you were serious I'd take you seriously. In other words, the guy is just riding on to what you are. He's just leveling with you. When everyone gave you the advice that "guys will just say anything", they were right listen to them. Just because the guy said this doesn't mean your ego just goes soaring through the roof. Remember, for every one guy there are 10 women. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL RECEIVE THAT CRAP. So don't assume that you're the only one a guy has said this to. You can look at it this way, from your point of view you're the only girl the guy has said such words to you but I ask you: How many guys have told you that?

He's Serious with you?

Sure! Anyone can be serious if they put their mind to it. But remember, being serious in a relationship also clashes with a person's natural attitude. So if they are serious but hiding their bad side then it would hinder their ability to deliver. In other words, they're not being themselves. Getting a relationship to work does not mean a heavy serving of words with promises. It requires HARD (and I emphasize VERY HARD) work. It's not just dates and intimacies. It's about talking about compromises and planning ahead. Sponaneity can be for later. So if you want to get your relationship to work, get off your ass, shut up and get to work and show something for it!

A serious boyfriend doesn't necessarily mean a unique or interesting relationship. You could be just looking at an ordinary relationship. There has to be the chemistry between you. You know, the things about both of you that just "CLICKS". It's hard finding something like that with someone else. Anyone can start a new relationship! It can be tomorrow I can start a new relationship with someone I just met on the street! Yes, it's easy to start with someone new and you can do stuff you never did but will the new one appreciate it? Will they like the same things you liked in your past relationships? Will they appreciate the kind of person you are?

Unable to commit?

There are only two general reasons.
1. Fear of being hurt due to a past hurt.
2. Waiting for someone to come back to them.

Basically, to put it bluntly, he's just NOT THAT INTERESTED in you.

As I've read in another article, if your guy has a string of children by different women, don't even think for one second he'll treat you differently. You can deny it all you want but if you're looking at the maternity angle, he wasn't even man enough to face the responsibility what makes you think you'll be any different? Never expect to be the one to make your man change. Change is internal. No one can make that happen but them.

Also, be practical. We know love is accepting your partner's faults and attitude. But what if your boyfriend asks you to be someone else? Remember pointer #1. Also ask yourself these questions:
Am I willing to give up what I am for a guy?
What for?
Is it worth it?
Do I like being treated as a trapped creature and unable to be free to do what I want?

Sex

Sex is a girl's best expression of love to a guy. Once you give yourself to a guy your heart will never be the same again. The reason why it's hard for you to let go is because you're thinking: "I gave my body and soul to you. I expect you to give me all your love and affection in return." You're upset because you never got it. He got what he wanted but you didn't. Your mind is clouded because you still bring back the idea that your body was used. NEVER use sex as a basis for expecting something. A guy may not be after sex but he could be using it to cloud your mind. This is unquestionably true. If you give yourself to him and the guy is just fooling around, don't use it as an excuse to get what you want. Otherwise, you'll be stuck in the waiting game expecting him to change because of what you gave him. In the end, you'll just hate yourself when things don't turn out as you wanted it to be. You'll just keep waiting and waiting and before you know it you've wasted your life waiting for nothing.

So with all these things in mind, how, then, do you know if a guy is being true to you? The answer may surprise you. This applies to looking for a true girlfriend. All you need to find is a good person. Someone who you know will bring out the best in you. That's all. It's that simple! You're not looking for someone who is known to be a good partner or CLAIMS to be a good partner. You don't even have to look for a person who knows how to handle a relationship. Anyone can pretend to be that. I know women are very observant. If you can observe a guy for just an hour or so then you can tell if he is a good person or not. NEVER IGNORE warning signs of his attitude or behavior. Maintain your standards. If a man is good in handling is life by himself then he can and will be able to handle a relationship whether he knows it or not. Responsible people are not afraid to take risks. I am not that responsible and I admit that most of the time I don't take risks.

Despite the standards we set for our ideal mates, the one we fall for will always be the exception.

Lastly, here's the single and toughest part to accept. NEVER believe that the relationship will never end. Things happen. Happiness doesn't last forever - it's a fact of life! Take it as it comes and accept the fact that you must move on.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Getting over and moving on

A lot of these have been going around and I just thought I'd share this advice with everyone based on my experiences.

If you're heartbroken and need advice, come on in and read on!

Keep Yourself Busy
I once made this terrible mistake of losing my job and my girlfriend in a short span of time. The months that followed were a nightmare that never ended. If you have nothing to keep you busy your mind will brood on the break-up plus the fact that you have no source of income to cheer yourself up is more than enough to drive you in a deep state of depression. So whatever it is, whether it is a hobby or a job, keep your mind focused on doing something else.

Old Stuff Out
If your partner is fond of giving you decorations for your room or some other place, take them all down. All that junk are just more reasons for you to brood over the break-up. For example, you might have a stuffed toy at your top drawer that he/she gave you. The first thing you see when you wake up is that damn toy! The minute you wake up your day is ruined by the memory of that toy. So to avoid bringing back painful memories of that person just get rid of all the things that remind you of him/her. (That doesn't include the bed.) Pictures, figurines, jewelry and letters are the recommended stuff I suggest you get rid of. No minor detail should be overlooked. Imagine yourself a criminal trying to get rid of the evidence. Pieces of paper with their names on it or letters or small mementos should never be ignored. Scour your entire place for anything that gives you the slightest reminder of them. You don't want to be stumbling into it in the future and we may not know how we may feel if we remember it.

No Contact
If you really want to get over that person avoid contact with them. Some idealistic exes (the heartbreaker) think that it's ok to be "just friends". I tell you this now: IT NEVER WORKS! Stay away from them because you will be re-igniting a flame you want to put out in the first place. Fellow reader, if they tell you they want to be "JUST FRIENDS", it is the most pathetic, egotistical and hypocritical thing they can ever do to you. Ask yourself, why would I want to be friends with someone who has hurt me over and over? Even your own friends wouldn't do that to you! It's the lowest of the low! The last person you need telling you to feel better is them. I, for one, definitely don't want it from them. Remember Pontius Pilate washing his hands of Jesus' crucifixion? Believe me, this isn't far different from that. ;) We all know that once you've crossed the line from friendship to intimacy there's no turning back. The next time you hear that line tell them to get a dog.

Take note, my fellow reader, that this is the best advice I can give you but it is also the most tormenting and difficult to do. I, for one, find it hard to accomplish this. Without ever accomplishing this, none of the advice in this blog will work. This advice is akin to me telling you to stop smoking if you're a smoker. I can, however, promise you this: that the moment you are able to get through that one day without contacting them, the rest will be a breeze and time will just go by. There will be lingering feelings but it will be more bearable with each passing day. That is IF you decide to make that first day work. When the communication stops, the healing starts.

Stop thinking about the Sex
This is an unwitting reason why women brood over their past boyfriend. Although you may think that it has nothing to do with it, this is a subconscious factor women never notice. Deep down inside you're thinking: "I gave my body to you I expect you to give me all your love and affection." When the guy doesn't reciprocate you feel used. But you blame your attraction on the sweet things the person did. The reason why you hold on is because you're still waiting for that thing that person never gave you. It's easier for a woman to get over her guy if nothing happened between them as opposed to someone who did it. To counter this feeling just put it in your head that the sweet things this guy did is not unique - anyone can do that for you. This will bring you back to the sex. The minute you accept the fact that it was the sex the more you can accept the fact that you were just used and it's not worth it.

If you've been cheated on, then this makes it even harder. Your mind just keeps racing with thoughts of betrayal from your partner. I admit I cannot even wipe these thoughts from my head but life must go on. It has happened and now apology on earth can change that.

Be a Good Sport
He/She cheated on you? Used you? Left you hanging? Left without saying goodbye? "When I find you I'm going kill you!" is probably your first thought. NEVER harbor anger, hatred and regret in your heart. If you're hell-bent on revenge, I warn you now. You'll never see the end of it. It already happened to me before. Even if you get what you want the hatred is still there. You'll just keep coming back for more and more and sometimes you'll go too far. When you come to your senses you'll never understand what came over you but it will just keep coming and it will never stop. How to stop? Accept the fact that you've been had. It's only human for us to succumb to our emotions. You fell in love and you got hurt. Let it go!

Keep Your Chin Up
Never show them you're hurt. Whether they sympathize or they are proud to have hurt you this will give them an ego boost, which is something you don't want them to have. Show them you're doing fine without them and you're moving on happily with your life.

Don't talk about them
Although I'd recommend spending time with your friends I suggest you minimize focusing the topic on your heartbreak. Talking about it is good but carrying on too long will also prolong the hurt. If you've already shared your story to some friends don't talk about it again and even if you haven't told anyone. Just tell them you don't want to talk about it and suggest that they ask the people you've already told.

Remember folks! This only works if you do this. If you hesitate then there's no one else on earth who can help you except you. The hurting stops when the thinking stops and the healing starts.

Once you get up on from your knees and recover the next time you go into a relationship remind yourself that nothing is forever. All good and bad things must come to an end. It's the balance of life. Hard to do? Yes I know. Let me know if you've figured it out.

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