Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Are You Selfish In A Relationship?

By Chad

1. You make them happy to make yourself happy. Ok so you're just doing this to make yourself happy then? You're doing it because you know you're getting something out of it. Take note that not all the things you do for them will necessarily make you happy but it will make their love for your grow. So which one are you after, happiness or love? They sound the same but believe me, they are completely different. Happiness is only for being happy while love let's you enjoy happiness and withstand sadness. Remember that the world doesn't live on happiness alone so if you're just after being happy then you'll only face a life of frustration by trying to construct a world that can never exist. "The wise man adapts himself to the world while the foolish man tries to adapt the world to him."

2. You give because you are ashamed of not giving anything. Trying to reciprocate because you feel obligated is a very wrong attitude. Sooner or later you will realize that you are doing things you do not understand and find that you're just forcing yourself. Don't pretend! This is a very self-enslaving attitude. You'll only hurt that person in the end.

3. If your family is showing negativity to your partner, you defend your partner. If you say you protect them because your family is trying to attack your private life then you are once again focusing on yourself rather than your partner. This is yet another selfish reason. You're not really protecting your partner out of love but rather you are protecting your personal life.

4. Doing things in the relationship just so everyone will say you're a good bf/gf. Ok, so now we're back in the obligated part. We do things because we are obligated rather than because we care and love that person. Most of all, we hide who we really are just so our negative personalities will not be discovered. Without love, your efforts will lead a tortuous life because of your pretentious motives. Sooner or later you will break and you will be exposed. Most of all, you can't be yourself! What' the point of having a special someone if you can't be yourself when you're around them? Of course, nobody loves a hypocrite. Why should we love someone who only "PRETENDS" to love us? I'd rather vote for a politician then I'd be doing a great contribution to a greater good!

5. Being passive. No fights, no arguments and always having it your way or your partner's is a sign of a frozen relationship. If you don't fight, then both of you are blind to each other's weaknesses. If you don't argue, you may have a lapse in your communication. This could be a potential threat in your ability to communicate with each other. All these negative elements, although unpleasant, are essential for a growing relationship. Lack thereof would mean the relationship is at a standstill and not going anywhere at all.

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