Monday, May 02, 2005

Getting over and moving on

A lot of these have been going around and I just thought I'd share this advice with everyone based on my experiences.

If you're heartbroken and need advice, come on in and read on!

Keep Yourself Busy
I once made this terrible mistake of losing my job and my girlfriend in a short span of time. The months that followed were a nightmare that never ended. If you have nothing to keep you busy your mind will brood on the break-up plus the fact that you have no source of income to cheer yourself up is more than enough to drive you in a deep state of depression. So whatever it is, whether it is a hobby or a job, keep your mind focused on doing something else.

Old Stuff Out
If your partner is fond of giving you decorations for your room or some other place, take them all down. All that junk are just more reasons for you to brood over the break-up. For example, you might have a stuffed toy at your top drawer that he/she gave you. The first thing you see when you wake up is that damn toy! The minute you wake up your day is ruined by the memory of that toy. So to avoid bringing back painful memories of that person just get rid of all the things that remind you of him/her. (That doesn't include the bed.) Pictures, figurines, jewelry and letters are the recommended stuff I suggest you get rid of. No minor detail should be overlooked. Imagine yourself a criminal trying to get rid of the evidence. Pieces of paper with their names on it or letters or small mementos should never be ignored. Scour your entire place for anything that gives you the slightest reminder of them. You don't want to be stumbling into it in the future and we may not know how we may feel if we remember it.

No Contact
If you really want to get over that person avoid contact with them. Some idealistic exes (the heartbreaker) think that it's ok to be "just friends". I tell you this now: IT NEVER WORKS! Stay away from them because you will be re-igniting a flame you want to put out in the first place. Fellow reader, if they tell you they want to be "JUST FRIENDS", it is the most pathetic, egotistical and hypocritical thing they can ever do to you. Ask yourself, why would I want to be friends with someone who has hurt me over and over? Even your own friends wouldn't do that to you! It's the lowest of the low! The last person you need telling you to feel better is them. I, for one, definitely don't want it from them. Remember Pontius Pilate washing his hands of Jesus' crucifixion? Believe me, this isn't far different from that. ;) We all know that once you've crossed the line from friendship to intimacy there's no turning back. The next time you hear that line tell them to get a dog.

Take note, my fellow reader, that this is the best advice I can give you but it is also the most tormenting and difficult to do. I, for one, find it hard to accomplish this. Without ever accomplishing this, none of the advice in this blog will work. This advice is akin to me telling you to stop smoking if you're a smoker. I can, however, promise you this: that the moment you are able to get through that one day without contacting them, the rest will be a breeze and time will just go by. There will be lingering feelings but it will be more bearable with each passing day. That is IF you decide to make that first day work. When the communication stops, the healing starts.

Stop thinking about the Sex
This is an unwitting reason why women brood over their past boyfriend. Although you may think that it has nothing to do with it, this is a subconscious factor women never notice. Deep down inside you're thinking: "I gave my body to you I expect you to give me all your love and affection." When the guy doesn't reciprocate you feel used. But you blame your attraction on the sweet things the person did. The reason why you hold on is because you're still waiting for that thing that person never gave you. It's easier for a woman to get over her guy if nothing happened between them as opposed to someone who did it. To counter this feeling just put it in your head that the sweet things this guy did is not unique - anyone can do that for you. This will bring you back to the sex. The minute you accept the fact that it was the sex the more you can accept the fact that you were just used and it's not worth it.

If you've been cheated on, then this makes it even harder. Your mind just keeps racing with thoughts of betrayal from your partner. I admit I cannot even wipe these thoughts from my head but life must go on. It has happened and now apology on earth can change that.

Be a Good Sport
He/She cheated on you? Used you? Left you hanging? Left without saying goodbye? "When I find you I'm going kill you!" is probably your first thought. NEVER harbor anger, hatred and regret in your heart. If you're hell-bent on revenge, I warn you now. You'll never see the end of it. It already happened to me before. Even if you get what you want the hatred is still there. You'll just keep coming back for more and more and sometimes you'll go too far. When you come to your senses you'll never understand what came over you but it will just keep coming and it will never stop. How to stop? Accept the fact that you've been had. It's only human for us to succumb to our emotions. You fell in love and you got hurt. Let it go!

Keep Your Chin Up
Never show them you're hurt. Whether they sympathize or they are proud to have hurt you this will give them an ego boost, which is something you don't want them to have. Show them you're doing fine without them and you're moving on happily with your life.

Don't talk about them
Although I'd recommend spending time with your friends I suggest you minimize focusing the topic on your heartbreak. Talking about it is good but carrying on too long will also prolong the hurt. If you've already shared your story to some friends don't talk about it again and even if you haven't told anyone. Just tell them you don't want to talk about it and suggest that they ask the people you've already told.

Remember folks! This only works if you do this. If you hesitate then there's no one else on earth who can help you except you. The hurting stops when the thinking stops and the healing starts.

Once you get up on from your knees and recover the next time you go into a relationship remind yourself that nothing is forever. All good and bad things must come to an end. It's the balance of life. Hard to do? Yes I know. Let me know if you've figured it out.

1 comment:

chubbygurl said...

now..now...u said it all....good moves!!!

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