Monday, June 12, 2006

Changes 06.12.2006

Time has indeed played a vital role in my existence. What or where to begin I can only fathom within my human capabilities.

I see so many changes happening in my life yet again. Things that are of the utmost concern - another cornerstone in my mental field of view.

Last month a close friend of mine got married to her 4 year long boyfriend. In spite of their distance, they were able to lay plans for their wedding. I asked them a few months ago how they managed their relationship. Of course, it's only in my nature to ask people who succeeded instead of those who failed. (Not that failures are something to be ignored but success was the information available at the moment. ;) ) What transpired during that conversation I keep to myself to ponder. Perhaps a few years from now I can write yet again on my understanding of what I have been told. I am happy for them.

I have grown yet another notch as a person. I've learned to keep my tongue in check from time to time. Of course, I don't deny my impulse to lash out from time to time when the situation calls for it. Kind of like using the right tool for the job. Hey, according to my manager I'm going to lead a group of people someday so I have to show that I'm up for the task. I was never good at leading but I did learn how to work as a team. I am always reminded that I can't be like this forever. "He who must lead must learn to follow."

Gone also is the part of me that is holed up inside this shell of a life. I have always considered myself anti-social - a person who keeps to himself. Yet I know I am not passive. I do react to events unfolding around me. Yes, I am a contradiction to myself but not to others. This is partly because as a person who keeps to myself I have been pretty repressed myself. I may be anti-social but I am not ignorant to the things around me. I know what's happening. I want to be able to do someting - to help. But one person is one person. I cannot do it alone. So I just resorted to doing the simplest thing to begin - with myself. If others can't do it, at least I can. "If everyone cleaned their own front yard, the world would be a cleaner place."

I have gone out with people more. I have met different people, Different groups, different places. I was exploring and building a bigger world. I do love that part where I venture into another person's life. Seeing how their worlds exists and interact with others. No matter how dense human existence is, it is by every detail beautiful and unique. Perhaps I want to touch these people's lives in a nice way that I can be remembered as much as I remember them.

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