Friday, February 23, 2007

My Idol That Wasn't

Since I already mentioned in my previous blog about my childhood I guess it probably needs no introduction.

Let me tell you about a kid that I used to looked up to. He was my next door neighbor. My first friend in this life as far as I can recall. I used to remember the times when we played G.I. Joe the whole day and that every time he made our whistle signal I would run scampering out of the house eager for another self-made adventure. He would come up with new games, new ideas and new hobbies. It didn't matter to me as long as we had a good time. He was sort of the alpha-male in our trio with my brother. Whatever he said, no matter how idiotic and how impossible it sounded, he had a way of making it convincing. After all, he had the IQ of an honor student that neither me nor my brother had that level of intelligence.

My parents often pointed out our degrading behavior as someone with no backbone. Well, if overprotective Mom and Dad didn't do almost EVERYTHING for us when we were kids we wouldn't lack that sense of confidence.

Perhaps today I realize that the only reason I looked up to him was that he was everything I wasn't. I mean he had everything. The guy had the looks and the above average intelligence to match while I was a ball-headed fat kid with a flat nose and a less than satisfactory academic record. He had the best toys, the newest toys and he could do and venture into anything he wanted while my parents never even allowed me to venture more than 100 meters outside our home. I was a prisoner in my own home. My way of living would put Cinderella to shame.

We eventually moved out of our apartment and I never did quite hear from him again. I did drop him a line once a year and eventually got so busy I forgot about him. Last I heard after that was he was in rehab. He was also kicked out of school for organizing a fraternity. I'm not sure if it was in that order.

I really feel sorry for him now. The guy threw it all away because he found out he was adopted. I know I probably could not fathom how he felt but even today he should have learned to realize and to count his blessings. He had an adoptive mother that loved him like he was her own; everything he ever wanted he was granted. What more could a kid want? Yeah, I would want those things he had.

I recently met on the net his best friend. News was that he was divorced, going in and out of rehab centers and prison cells in the United States. He had a gorgeous wife they said. Tsk! Tsk! Another waste of life. You had everything, dude - even after you were on your own!

I really find it amusing that who I idolized as a child was no different from the rock bands my high school classmates worshiped. While they were still busy idolizing fictional people running through cassette tapes and eventually CDs I had high regard to a real live friend who had everything and threw it all away on a truth.

I look back at my imperfect childhood. Sure, I missed a lot of things a child SHOULD have gone through. I could've went camping with my classmates. I could have been picking up school girls while I was in high school. I could have had a nice car. I could have taken up sports or mountaineering or some extreme sport. I had none of these. Some people had it going for them and threw it away for pathetic reasons.

Up to this day I could still humbly say that I am nothing compared to most of the people I know. Yet every now and then I hear one of them losing themselves to the dark road to nowhere. It goes from unplanned pregnancies, alcoholism, gambling, scandals, crime or some just plain quit on life. It could well be any fucked up excuse there is.

I always expected that one way or another I would go down the dreaded path of misdirection as they did. I just didn't expect that they'd go there before I did.

I am still here.

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