Saturday, December 08, 2007

The most stupid things I've ever seen

1.) Lowered tuner cars on the streets of Cebu
This goes in effect to #2. You can't blame me for my utter lack of confidence in the quality of public works here in my city. What I find surprising is the delusional thought that it is, in fact, a runway for large commercial aircraft. With this in mind, some people go to great lengths in spending two to three times the cost of their automobiles so that they feel that they can floor it in this imaginary runway where it is, in reality, full of drunk underage bystanders, hapless senile senior citizens, drive-by vigilantes, alligators in blue suits, and the most dangerous of all - potholes.

2.) Stealing money when there's little money left.
If you steal from the city's coffers make sure that the city isn't already broke. We don't mind the USA's politicians stealing money from their country because there more than enough money than they can steal. Back here we attempt to rationalize that we can still get a share out of every centavo that we are supposed to add up for legal reasons.

3.) Believing that actors fall in the same caliber as politicians.
Winning isn't the problem. Doing a job that isn't theirs is what I find disturbing. How small our minds have become.

4.) Not using a condom because you can't "feel it".
Yep, you're feelin' it right now, huh? As her belly gets big and you're flat broke! Let's hope mommy and daddy doesn't find out!


Squirming like a worm as he drinks his milk

My first test on my SonyEricsson K810i phone blog. :)

Monday, November 12, 2007

Misappropriation of Intellect and other real crimes against humanity (the real steal)

Seeing how the human race runs itself on stupidity by trial and error it has kept me wondering who is doing the most good and who is doing the most evil.

A few months ago I read about Mr. Estrada's verdict. What made me pity him was not how stupid the government was in supporting him or how ignorant the Filipinos were in electing him or how he himself was dubbed stupid. It was the fact that much smarter people allowed this to happen.

It dawned on me that Estrada isn't as stupid as he looks. I've known a lot of people like him all my life. I can honestly say that I am not as smart as, say, our high school valedictorian or my college cum laude but I have known some of these throw their lives away by being too ambitious. Instead of using their expertise for the good of everyone - the very people who have entrusted their fate in their hands - they use it for their own selfish needs and to even think people like these who are supposedly smarter than the rest of us would have the exceptionally heightened awareness between good and bad. Yet half of them are where they NOT supposed to be - behind bars. It's really disappointing for me to see them there.

We read in the news about government officials "misappropriating funds" or some other more politically dignified term but what I consider the biggest crime in humanity is the misappropriation of intellect - using your smarts other than what it is ethically intended. Instead of building a better economy they build multi-million beach houses or buy a million peso SUV with a V8 engine that costs 4,000 pesos a day to refuel. They didn't bother to notice that the road that they are running on is full of potholes because they are riding on the two million pesos that was supposed to be used to fix that damn road. But then again, if you're on a two million peso SUV with a state-of-the-art suspension system you wouldn't feel the potholes in the first place.

Back to the first thing I said here, who does the most good and the most evil? This is more of an irony thing to me. It appears that the people doing the most good - at least for themselves - are the greedy, self-centered bastards robbing the people on the streets, selling drugs and taking our taxes. Why? They were smart enough to band together, share their wealth and protect each other.

The good people? Since time began, helping others isn't always a good man's notable attributes. Oppression has always been the good people's strongest AND weakest enemy. It is a strong enemy because it only takes one man with a gun to strike down a crowd of many without a single shot being fired. It is weak because one evil is powerless against the many good people it threatens. But most of us do not realize it. We are more concerned with our own individual well being than that of everyone else's and here is this one evil with nothing to lose and only appears unstoppable because we allow it to be. This isn't about human weakness but rather more on human passivity.

If indeed we are really GOOD people of this country and of this earth why let evil run it?

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -- Edmund Burke

Monday, November 05, 2007


Photo credits to anchelayap

It had been a long week. A need to unwind was on her mind. A phone call here and a phone call there with quick text messages in between it was set.

There she was with her tall athletically toned frame with every privilege beauty bestowed. A ruffled white mini added to the sensuality of her long tanned legs. A lavender halter highlighting her broad and yet feminine shoulders. A bikini line on her back was barely visible. Not that it mattered since it was too dark to for anyone to notice. Her doll-like face only served to amplify her stunning chinky eyes with lavender mascara - but just a little. One can never be TOO beautiful.

She enters the stuffy club room - the walls pounding to the House beat of DJ Kaskade. The stench was a mix of cigarette smoke on cotton and men's cologne. This is going to stick when I get home. She thought not noticing her expensive perfume, her nose now immune, was strong enough to project her presence in the club - a sweet and pleasant smell probably mixed with pheromones in the chemicals.

An occasional familiar face here and there and an exchange of pretentious kisses, smiles, nods and idle chatter follows. Of course, anyone this beautiful is bound to have "friends" - many of them.

Her friends find a comfortable table space to unwind while a part of her group leaves to survey the dance floor. She stands behind - just a little beside - her girlfriend and leans over mumbling something while absentmindedly and discreetly scanning the room at the corner of her eyes. Her all too pretentious smile tries to hide the deep instinctive thought that someone might notice her. A familiar face? An ex-boyfriend? Some good looking hunk to while away the evening? And maybe, just maybe, if her better judgment or otherwise permits it, perhaps all the way until morning.

She sees someone in the crowd... waving at her... calling out her name but she can only read his lips saying her name.

She excuses herself. She walks away with an elegant gait and disappears beyond the crowd, beyond the fog and beyond the smoke. Perhaps the dance floor for starters? A drink or maybe two?

It had been just another night out at the club. This is where the party begins...

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Death is for the living

Of course, you'd have to be alive to die. But that's not the pun intended here. This is a more in-your-face-cut-the-crap-i-know-why-you're-here type of shit.

I quoted the above line from some unknown - maybe Pinoy - author highlighting how Hallow's Eve has been somewhat of a national bank account-bragging phenomenon in most parts. As I walk around the crowded cemetery of an upscale cemetery I can see how the death of loved ones often involved extravagant displays of resting places. One grave actually had an air conditioned room and a second story! It makes you wonder, why would the dead need that?! Oh, they don't, it's probably some rich old fart who wants to show friends how much he invested in his dead wife. It kinda makes me wonder if he did it because he's glad she's dead. ;) Oh, let's not forget the hormonally-charged spoiled brats and grandbrats frolicking around and socializing with the next door dead guy's relatives. Probably with the intention of getting getting a date and getting laid on that night.

Also, what's the deal with suicide victims? It makes me wonder: "What do they need a priest for? The person committed suicide! He knows and everyone knows he/she's going to hell!" What a bunch of hypocritical bullcrap our culture tries to instill! Of course, if you get free drinks and snacks and probably a small banquet of food, who's complaining? It should be the freeloaders who rolls over and drop dead!

All Souls and All Saints is just like any regular party where it's just a means of seeing and to be seen. A chance for someone to be someone. This is yet another set of occasions that have lost their meaning.

Do I have a problem with this? Probably not. I'm just saying it as it is just in case it wasn't so clear already. This is me exposing hypocrisy in this country once again.

Monday, October 29, 2007

This is why I hate neutrality in this country

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

-- Martin Niemoeller

I made this version after my experience in my last corrupt company:

In this company, they came first for the OJTs,
And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t an OJT;

And then they came for the contractors,
And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a contractor;

And then they came for the Engineers,
And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t an Engineer;

And then . . . they came for me . . . And by that time there was no one left to speak up."

Monday, October 22, 2007

My Goodbye (resignation) Letter

Much to my creative cruelty I'd like to strip down or spruce up some things in the words I say to spare everyone the humiliation or angst.

Below is a letter I sent on the last day of work along with the original thoughts (aka commentaries) in bold italics. Names have been modified (not changed) to instill maximum insult and humiliation where necessary.

Subject: Ladies and gentlemen, it has been an honor.

As I venture into another stepping stone in my quest for greater challenges, I cannot continue without first looking back and show the gratitude, pride and humility (all at the same time) that it has brought me to even know some of you exceptional individuals. Of course, not everyone has the convincing power to be a hypocrite but I believe I pulled it off pretty well over here considering humility is the last of the traits I can learn from this company. Challenges? Yes, we all seek it! Especially, when the job I held had no apparent future. Think along the lines of the FBI ranking non-special agents as mechanics and janitors.

As I mark my final existence in this broke printer company's system and hear those BROKEn magnetic locks shut behind me for the last time (presuming it doesn't get stuck halfway and cause mass hysteria on the security staff), I take with me the memories, both good and bad, for they have served me well in all circumstances. The good memories help me relish how interesting it is to work with all of you and how much fun we had in and out of work. The bad ones, as well, serve as lessons and consequently serve to reinforce my confidence in myself. That, indeed, I deserve something better. These experiences are all blessings no matter which way I look at it for they have helped mold my self-defined code of ethics. As much as everyone in management is glad to see my anticipated departure, this was me telling them to kiss my ass. Good thing I have my own set of rules and these rules define the integrity and credibility of how I do my job - two things this company doesn't seem to possess.

I can honestly say that my team and my department has always been a driving and motivating force that influence my career everyday. To quit!

To J.Lo, who has been my mentor and overbearing big sister that I never had, thanks for being the open door and open ear to all my frustrations and wacky ideas. I also thank you for giving me the opportunity to lead the team for 5 projects and its eventual completion and success. Because of that, it has reinforced my confidence that I can tackle larger challenges and you have proven to me that I can lead – I never thought I could but I did. You made that possible. :) Suffice it to say you created a monster with a humongous ego! Unfortunately, the hidden rule that I have to sleep with my boss is a level of LOW that even a half wit and self-righteous employee such as myself is unwilling to go. I'm not doing it with her and that's why I'm leaving! Anyways, at least I have proven to be an efficient and exceptionally skilled individual. Hell, I could do their marketing department's job and they have been known to be ineffective. Unlike a certain someone with a 0% success rate and only proceeded to improve his career at my expense as well as everyone else's expense.

To THE-ONLY-WHITE-BOY-THAT-MATTERED, who inspired and motivated not only me but everyone in our past team to work for this BROKE printer company since day one with his unique ideas and challenging concepts, I thank you for your guidance and inspiration. You are a great man not only to us but a great example of deluded dedication. You are a great role model for all of us. Yep, I'll bet this was one practical joke that left most of you guys laughing at me. But then again, I bullshit you, you bullshit me. I tricked you into hiring me and you tricked me into believing that this company actually had the decency to be a upstanding corporation. Everyone had their share of the fun. Oh, well, I'm allowed to make personal mistakes. Unfortunately, companies aren't.

To the BROKE printer company, thank you for the opportunities, the privileges, the memories and for being instrumental in my career path. Free ink, free paper, a computer, an Internet connection and a printer to boot for printing all those resumes to submit to other companies here, abroad and online. Everything else... what opportunities? There were none!

(Deleted paragraphs) To my manager, contrary to what you said, "thank you" is enough to repay me for everything because apparently that's all that this company can afford. Apparently, in your haste to come up with a hypocritical answer the two words you would die NOT SAYING to me came out of your fingers. Can I forgive you? When karma catches up, yes, I will!

Update 2009: A former colleague informed me that said manager was "demoted" (although demotion is not possible in this company) for being ineffective. I can't say I'm surprised. Who would expect anything more from a person who sits in the corner and never talks to anyone?

To the white fat guy who's so full of himself (literally) and can't mind his own business. You always taught me that saying nothing is the best way to stay out of trouble. Ironically, a friend of mine wound up dead with 19 stab wounds in a motel also chose to keep quiet. I'd rather be a dead squealer taking everyone else down with me. Apparently this company only rewards people who squeals first and denies the other one the same justice. Thank, God, I never sent those apology letters. I don't apologize to ingrates and I don't need to save myself from this company. Broke companies don't deserve apologies, they are OBLIGATED to explain their downfall AND give me an excuse to keep work for them! It's like a beggar asking me to buy them coffee!

Update 2009: I was informed that said white fat guy died of a heart attack. Probably after cleaning up the company's email virus outbreak (and they had the gall to RELY on the judgement of their IT staff?!). I also found over Google that said white guy was an outspoken expat on dialogues about their quality of life in the Philippines and that he will be missed. The said comments had me screaming in my chair. Outspoken?! The guy was a troublemaker! And one of his peers had the gall to call Filipinos gold diggers?! WTF, dude! Reality check: You white boys no longer have any money! I hope you burn in hell!

To THE-2ND-LEVEL-WHITE-MANAGER-WHO-ONLY-REPEATS-WHAT-HE'S-TOLD, the fact that your replies always seem scripted makes me realize now that it was for your own good. Otherwise, you might blurt out some deep hidden fantasy of you trying to suck my balls. Better be a puppet than be a gay scandal, eh? It's all right. I forgive you. Just like the fact that I forgave you for helping me realize that honesty, hard work and all that bureaucratic bullshit your company whines about was actually an endless trail of my career to nowhere. Also, stop claiming to be "just like us" because the company did not give each of us a high-end house in Ma. Luisa, we are not PAID IN DOLLRS and our attendance is actually checked by human resources. If you decide to accept being paid the same ridiculous salary we are being paid THEN you can say you are "one of us" (you can keep the house).

For the rest, it has been a great 3 years (please! leave now while you still can!), 1 month and 14 days (and xx number of OT hours unaccounted for in the system =p). This is not a “farewell” but rather "see you around". I felt so sorry for your poor financial standing that it always made me feel guilty for charging you for a task that I know I will regret doing.

So, see you around. ;) And KISS MY ASS!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The BPO bubble

Three years ago I wanted a shot to be some sorry ass international school-graduate answering phone calls to the amusement of some pedophile white boy who didn't have anything better to do so he plans to go to the Philippines and exploit younger kids out of college.

One year later, the sorry ass call center I applied for called me. This time I was worth ten thousand pesos over their allocated budget for hiring someone of the position I was considered.

Three years have passed since I even considered applying for call centers and since then I have known better. However, calls still keep coming for offers to be the West's bitch.

On a personal note, I've come to realize that on a certain level in my pride that I didn't just waste my parents' hard earned money so I can be some first class emotional prostitute for the 1st world countries. On top of that, I have to put my loser self along with the rest of the high school and college dropouts and the premarital sex victims. Hey, don't get me wrong here. It's probably not their fault they're like that. Mommy and Daddy probably played mahjong a little too much or with the "other" family and neglected Jojo and Nene's needs. I also have nothing against premarital sex lest I were not guilty of the same acts of debauchery. Of course, I wasn't stupid enough to get drunk in a room full of men so someone could get lucky with sex roulette. I'm not being judgmental here - I leave that to the divorce court's job or the church. (Note: I hear those things cost around PHP200,000) ;)

As I was saying, why waste my future being paid a ridiculous and indecent salary working late night shifts at the expense of my health and social life helping some mentally retarded 1st world western who doesn't know the difference between his $3,000 computer and a microwave oven, which no doubt he will be using for kiddie porn, so he can live his luxurious life while I rot here in this God-forsaken cubicle wondering what the hell a $3,000 computer or $3,000 for that matter looks like? Why? I wouldn't even be stupid enough to think I have a future doing that job even if I ended up a manager, which, ironically, would be the position I would be looking for if I were to apply in such companies. Like, hell, I'd be working for a drop-out who watches too many cowboy movies in a dead-end job.

Soon there will be more products out there than the people using them. There will be more people out here waiting for yet another filthy rich and witless foreigner who can't read a manual whose fonts are smaller than their brains because it isn't littered with bikini-clad women.

Will this whole trend blow over? As far as past employment economies have dictated, it always will. One way or another what goes up must come down. The only thing that scares me is how big this bubble will be before it blows up because I sure as hell don't want to be around when the mass layoffs start taking place.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

I thought of her

I saw her again. There she was in the watch store with strangers - colleagues I'd presume. I held her waist trying to pass off as some getting fresh with her. She smiled in surprise and recognition.

Five years and all I could muster was an awkward "hello" and some lame joke she probably gets quite often. So there she was, my goddess from the distant past. Every mark and every mole on her golden skin was right where I remember them - even if I couldn't see them under her clothes. I'm just glad to see her. Yet as I stare briefly at her she was, for some unknown reason, different.

I tried to bring back memories of her and while those memories still held that flame - that magic - that I still desired, the woman standing in front of me didn't possess that magic. I could've talked to her more but I was just compelled to leave not knowing why. It was clear to me now. We only said a few words to each other and I knew this was not the same girl I fell in love with a long time ago. Even though my thoughts lingered on the encounter, I was smiling like a silly high school girl on hormone overdrive.

While she may probably the same girl I loved before, the world has changed and so have I. The girl in my past will be and always be just that, the past. There is no present and there is no future. I have moved on without knowing it - without her. We all outgrow our past and our dreams. On some occasions, they outgrow us. It appears the former happened to me. I will miss her but then again I'm not sure if I really will. Time indeed holds a place for us.

... and sets us free.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

What the fuck?! I'm old!

I used to stand in a group of people and nobody would suspect that I'm a person close to reaching his thirties. Nobody sold me liquor or allowed me into bars due to my youthful appearance. While other people in my situation would consider it a good thing I considered it a burden. The real fact here is that, with my appearance in mind, nobody would take me seriously. In this day and age [or probably any day and age for that matter] nobody takes someone seriously who is under 20. Unless, of course, if I were a 16-year old gang member.

For the past few weeks I have been staring at myself in the mirror and toying with my new Samsung SGH-U700. I cannot help but notice the significant change in my appearance. The skin on my face and eyes no longer possessing its luster. This progressively put me in a state of more frustration. As much as I'd like to wish for myself the appearance of someone my age, the rate at which my appearance has degraded is way too significant. Today is yet another stern reminder of the consequence of my persistence.

I dreamt the other day that worms were trying to get under my skin. Dream dictionaries translate this as someone trying to take advantage of my good nature. I never noticed how much that made sense until today.

I again want to remind myself not to sacrifice any more of my time on my job. As a teenager all I ever wanted was to quit school and get a high paying job. I finished college anyway because I realized that multinational companies enjoyed the bullshit college graduates offered. Diploma in BS . Makes sense: BullShit in Engineering.

God, was I so wrong?! I wasted a good deal of my life dreaming of the wrong thing.

My last job was the inevitable consequence. The due punishment for being foolishly idealistic. I aged more in the past 3 years working my ass off in this pathetic company than I ever did in all my past 5 years of working. Nevermind the fact that I don't get rewarded for it. Instead of looking young for my age I LOOK LIKE my age and probably more.

I really can't stand to look at myself in the mirror these days. I feel used, ripped off and left to rot.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Understanding Equality and Discrimination in the Workplace

Many a job hunter knows of this all too familiar line at the bottom of the job posting. "We are an equal opportunity company. We do not discriminate against age, race, sex, religion and sexual orientation."

Some job postings already violate this sacred and legal covenant by putting in a line like "Applicant must not be more than XX years old". What's the deal with that? These guys might as well put in the basic pay on the page at least they can still grant respect to the potential applicant.

Evident in some foreign companies that outsource or offshore their operations to some distant God-forsaken but surprisingly more talented place is the corporate firewall hosted in the home country. I've had experiences and even feedbacks from friends from other companies that there are sites that are banned and tagged as inappropriate. Out of curiosity I tried loading a particular out-of-the-ordinary religious site one day. I particularly loaded sites that pertain to Satanism, homosexuality, witchcraft, paganism, paedophelia (all radical paradigms) and even entering invalid domains with a ".ph". Low and behold, the majority of sites were banned. Questionably they were tagged as either "spirituality", "occult", "pornography" and "alternative living". Not so surprisingly, I don't find any Christian sites being banned.

The company can argue that these sites contain "inappropriate content". But what defines "inappropriate"? Religious morals? Sounds more more on the inclination of Christian morals. You don't judge another persons ideals by basing it on the company's majority or the another individual's morals. A majority-Christian company has NO RIGHT to judge a Muslim's or a Satanist's cultural practices and ideals based on its majority. A straight company has NO RIGHT to comment on how disgusting gays' or lesbians' preferences and actions can be based on their single-minded, conservative and straight CHRISTIAN paradigm. To do so would directly violate these individuals' human rights.

Superiors can also argue that I shouldn't be surfing the web but doing my job in the first place. Well, if these morons didn't allow Internet access to everyone then that wouldn't be a problem in the first place! I enjoy looking for flaws in companies just as they relish the idiotic and sociopathic habit of doing the same.

Lastly, what's the deal with banning a .ph site and classifying it as porn?! Listen clearly, you foreign retards! If you don't like the idea of working with us then DON'T COME HERE! Go back to whatever batch of overpaid employees you crawled away from! WE WILL SURVIVE WITHOUT YOUR DROPPING DOLLARS! What the hell, ey? You bitch and whine about ALMOST EVERYTHING! You might as well pay us big for being bitched and moaned by you. Oh, right, you can't afford it! You never could afford it back home anyway.

Equality is yet another myth in these corporations. Politics is the real currency here. Whoever kisses the most assess generally go to the top of the food chain. It's no wonder why products continue to degenerate with time. The retards are running the company and the real talents have left.

Companies claim of equal opportunities and an environment free of discrimination but the subtle indirect signs of their protest is written and enacted in many ways that we even notice to see.

Simply put, these companies claim to be these things but they have absolutely no idea what equality and cultural acceptance really is. Even as an individual I wouldn't dare prejudice someone if I didn't understand how their lives work.

Unless they're planning on running a company full of mindless robots, those two claims they make will and forever hold untrue.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


God, my idol is so damn fucking good! I cannot even begin to comprehend with my slowly degrading mental health half of the content he puts in there. But much of the stuff has me envious to a murderous degree of how smooth to the mouth it is to read his literary work much like a blowjob he willingly offers to all his esteemed fans.

However, as much as I'd like to tell myself over and over again that what he's saying is right while masturbating in my bed, I try to fight off the feeling that all his yammerings of self-pity are much similar to my job. Like the presence of my pedophile American bosses in my company, they're all for show. They're only there to make me and everyone else think that broke multinational corporations run by Americans actually have money to burn. I'm talking about the latter, by the way. Mike's self-proclaimed financial inadequacy is pretty much established.

It wouldn't surprise me that, after reading this entry, my employers will form a plot against my life and I will share the same fate as my friend who wound up dead in some seedy motel. I'd probably be begging them to take my life as they repeatedly sodomize me for the simple reason of the existence of this blog. Nevermind the fact that they steal thousands of pesos for everything I want to purchase for our office.

I also discovered yet another exceptional man by my own heart. His new book really shares my view of religion in all forms. Religion is the source of misunderstanding. I always said if you want peace, get rid of religion in all forms. I mean, why follow some deluded product of human ignorance when we all know we've outgrown past that time in our existence? It's sick how we think that one religion think that public displays of wild sex is considered sacrilegious while on another thinks your dick and women don't go hand in hand. Sick, isn't it? The only thing I find sickening is the fact that we continue to tolerate such ignorance even to this day.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Last 5 minutes of a friend

The words just lingered there. The once bright luminescent glow of my cellphone held an eerie aura of dread. "Chad, Carl died last night," it read. I frantically pushed the scroll down button a dozen times believing, and given that Carl himself was a witty comedian, it was just some sort of joke. It wasn't.

I've only known this friend for only a year. "Bai, one year nata nagkaila!" he jokingly texted me last June. He preempted that message with the celebration of a patron saint in Ilo-Ilo - the day we met for the first time on a trip to Boracay with a group of friends. I wouldn't forget that trip because, aside from the fact that it was poorly planned, the locals held a custom to hurl small plastic bags of water at passing vehicles. Being a very wacky kind of person myself, he, along with the rest of the new friends I found on the trip just had the chemistry to get along. We spared no expense of beating ourselves silly with various wits of humor.

It would have been one week ago yesterday that I last saw him alive. I was inconsolable when I heard that, after calling my friend who gave me the gory details, he died of 25 stab wounds in his body. The killers spared no expense in inflicting the maximum amount of pain on my helpless friend. The news counted the stab wounds under 20 but that was based on visible ones and not the ones found after autopsy. Medico-legal officers stated that whoever did it, did it in a stab and twist motion. His organs were chopped into pieces even before they were able to take them out. The extent of his physical damage goes on and on than I care to imagine. Me being a very curious person in nature, by stock knowledge I already knew that these guys systematically tortured him.

Now if you read through my blogs you'd probably call me a hypocrite given my violent nature but my sorrow is not over how he died but how I chose to spend my last time with him.

I was in a hurry to leave that evening when I bumped into him exiting the elevator. I wasn't really in a mood to stick around since my girlfriend was already in bugging me to go to her and go home. For some brief pause, I had the gut feeling to just come along for his smoke break. We chatted about everything and anything. Topics like: How he sold his car because he didn't want it and how he'd rather commute than use his own means of transportation. It's never dull to talk with him. 5 long minutes. My girlfriend was already calling me on my phone but I just ignored it. What is 5 minutes for a friend? A friend is a friend.

I would never imagine that a few days later I would learn the painful way that those 5 minutes would be our last. That's what ate me the most. I don't know if it was sorrow or gratitude that took me because the thoughts lingered that I could have said "no" when he invited me for a break but I didn't. After all this time that I invited him to a night out with the gang, he declined. 5 minutes was all he gave me. I don't regret taking his offer. The rest of the people we knew didn't get that opportunity.

In the one year we knew each other, Carl was indeed a good friend. Extremely confident and intelligent, he commanded a sense of trustworthiness and a sense of responsibility in everything he does.

To you, Carl, I thank you. For giving me 5 minutes to spend with you. I hope wherever you are now, you can appreciate that brief moment I chose to hang out with you. Too bad you never did get to give me that free lunch. hehehehe..

Justice will prevail.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Guiltful Miracles

Miracles. The final cry of the hopeless and the desperate. A gift from the heavens by the faithful?

I have thought about this free blessing from a higher being and it really goes to show how selfish and self-centered humans really are. This "miracle" that we so crave for is not guilt-free as I used to think. If it's not guilt-free then it's not free. There is a price.

You can look up miracle in the dictionary and it is what it is - extraordinary. So extraordinary that only a few people in the world will ever have it. And so I write about miracles to change one's attitude towards it.

How many of you got cured of some unknown disease or passed that life-changing exam or received huge lumps of cash from some unknown donor? Oh, yes, you probably took it slow or lived on the fast lane after that. You probably had that high-paying job or bought all the things you wanted.

But have you thought about the billions of people who weren't as lucky as you? The thousands who died from your same disease? The hundreds who haven't passed that same exam as you and who probably studied as hard as you? How about the people starving and going broke?

It's always a simple balance or rather imbalance of nature that one must suffer for another to be happy.

So before you feel good about yourself, you selfish prick, think about the rest of the people who didn't get their miracle. That somewhere someone out there has suffered because of you. It's a humbling thought for all of you selfish self-centered faithfuls out there.

Their faith is not strong? So were you until you were desperate enough to PRAY for your miracle. So what's the difference?

Spare me the liturgical lectures from whatever belief you came from.

As for me, I will turn down any miracle the higher beings hand to me. It has a price and it will not cost me a dime but it will cost someone else his dime.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Liberated Hypocrisy

Cebu, Manila, Dumaguete or wherever the place may be. People say that Filipinos have changed and adopted the "western" culture and that our lives have changed. This is hardly the truth, of course. More like, "emulated" the western culture because there is NOTHING in the western culture we have adopted, as far as I can see.

Sure you go to stores, factories and even restos and you see different themes that adopt an "American" quality of service. Tell me, when was the last time you demanded for a refund and ACTUALLY got it without a fight? You can't even do that in a Starbucks here! In fact, when was the last time you bought condoms where the cashier didn't look at you in a malicious manner? I mean c'mon, where are we trying to fool - OR IMPRESS?

Let's face it, when people say that the city is where the LIBERATED people are, it's a half-truth (or was it a half-lie?). Umm... sort of... kinda... whatever!

On weekends I go to bars and clubs and I see the "homies" listening to "gangsta" music pretending to be like the Crips or the Bloods like it's so cool to be all ghetto. I have to wonder... I don't recall anyone in my country who's proud to dress up in rags like the ones from MY ghetto like it was some trendy fashion statement. How 'bout showin' some love for the real ghetto boyz, kiddies? Man, I'll bet they'd faint at the sight of a gun let alone a knife.

Oh, let's not forgot the "vitamins for the eyes" - the babes. You see them walking all over the place in hang-out places wearing those skimpy microminis and shorts that are already at parallel with the sweet spot or beyond. Liberated? So they say! You walk around dressing for sex you're bound to get lucky, right? WRONG! Guys, these women have a disposition that would put Mother Theresa to shame. It's all for show, folks! Forget those "how to get laid" books because these women would faint at the sight of a phallus. "Tuga-tuga" is the term we most often label these socialites who like to invite more than what they can handle. They dress like sex, they look like sex and try to pass off as some independent lady but when the opportunity arises you'd be sending half of them home packing. It's no wonder rape cases are abundant. They should have ruled out all of these since the wardrobe alone said "YES".

LIBERATED is such a misconceived word, don't you think? It's synonymous to "can have sex with anyone". But in a country like this where supposedly Catholic "values" are being imposed, the people just borderline from watching, living AND ENCOURAGING scandalous movies about infidelity and keeping watch over one's own life and make sure it doesn't happen to them. If you encourage it, what do you care if it happens to you? And THEN you turn around and cry immorality to the people who shaped the way you live.

With our definition in mind, you can't be liberated and conservative at the same time. It just doesn't work! That's like saying you can't serve both God and money. This is where the hypocrisy begins.

Why pretend to be something you have learned to enjoy being while deep down inside your guilt of violating your so-called rooted values overwhelms you? Make up your mind!

Stop calling someone else a POSER and look in the mirror!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Overwhelming Friends

There are just some people who just can't seem to get enough of the attention. The attention hogs I call them.

Kinda reminds me of those "collectors" on Friendster who merely just add and add without even realizing or noticing what the hell they are doing. Every once so often I get invitations from unknown individuals that I have never met. Of course, I added a part in my profile where it says "if you want to be added, introduce yourself". It doesn’t surprise me that few people notice and I get invitations from brain-dead members who can't read one line of my profile - never mind the fact that their appearance leaves a lot to be desired. It's pretty obvious that these hideous beings are suffering in their social lives and have recently just discovered computers and the Internet.

Discrimination aside, in the real world, having so many friends is both a good and a bad thing. Why? Well, aside from the fact that you can't keep track, typical bonds with other human beings require a certain unspoken commitment towards them. Of course, let’s not forget good old-fashioned hypocrisy brewing in our midst and women are the most common victims of this, let’s just say, obsession.

The latter issue being the most common, we all succumb from the bad seed of friendship. It never fails to happen that some duplicitous S.O.B. comes our way and really makes a mess of things. Scary as it may sound, the more friends you have, the more likely you’ll have them in your “collection”.

While it may sound very resourceful of you to have the right connections, if you really put friends in their useful place it comes to a point when you start asking yourself, “who’s using who?” Oh, well, for me it's a good thing because in the end, we all help each other.

Eventually, I would hear that whining that is all too familiar to me with my sociable acquaintances. “I don’t know who my real friends are anymore,” they would tell me. Whose fault is that then? You definitely don’t make friends by assignment and you definitely don’t have friends other than by choice! If you don't know who your real friends are then you need to re-assess your social habits. Having one friend is pathetic but having dozens is toxic, like maybe you need to resist the impulse to lay claim of friendship with just anyone you meet on the street. There's no harm in being friendly but there is harm in being trusting. You know, fool me once... that kind of thing.

To quote a long forgotten article from one of those glamour magazines: “Keep a small circle of close friends. Having too many means obligations colliding and it’s never a pleasant dilemma."

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Long time

I realize that I haven't really written anything deep for quite some time. No thanks to the immoral people and demoralizing treatment under office conditions. Oh, well, that isn't an excuse.

I guess maybe there's kind of a little dilemma I have between being ambitious and enjoying a laid back life. We have to make a choice. I realize I can't have both. Any half-wit workaholic can deny this claim all he wants but that's all that is - denial.

I guess I have been too caught up in so much emotional things when, in fact, the fights I was fighting were not my own or that I cannot fight on my own at all.

Fact is, I hate oppression. I hate being oppressed and I hate being helpless. It scares me or even everyone to think that they cannot do something about anything. So there was oppression where I worked and my "hero" instincts just kicked in. At the price of my personal dignity I sought the justice that could not be given.

All that was pointless now. I realized that there is no way to fight this war at my own methods. It was time to adapt - again. No problem! My specialty! I see a need and I must fill it.

But how far can I go? I know what some of them did to get higher and further. I know I can do better - I always could - but at what cost?

I talked to my parents regarding all that I've learned in the corporate life and I must say the sure way is also the most morally sacrificing way. I could either live with a conscience and go nowhere in this job (only if I'm lucky) or I can set aside my soul for a one shot way to the top. The cost? Oh, not that much... just the respect of your colleagues who you probably would not care about once a fat paycheck and all the power in your hands. Who bothers to look back when you're at the top? Doesn't matter how many people you struck down or how many lives you've stolen. Is this the kind of life I want? No. I've thought about that last year already. My life BEFORE my job. I've put that worth ahead of me.

There's also the hard way but at least it makes you the sharpest professional in your craft. I follow this path. Showing skill rather than talking about it. This is, by far, the most stable way of doing things. The above is just a short term method in terms of comparison with this. One way or another you will fall and if you apply the former method then you fall hard.

I always believed in a perfect world. Where people who help each other succeed. I'm in a world of my own according to someone. Oh, well, at least my world is happy. How about yours? Oh, yeah, you haven't really moved on! I guess that makes two of us living in our own worlds. :p Well, at least no matter how both of you try to put me down it only serves to deteriorate how the people look at you. I can live with being a slacker, can you live with being scandalous?

Power corrupts.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Say my name?

One quiet day I was at my desk when one of my colleagues walked up behind me. "Chad?"

I was awoken from my usual daydreaming when hearing my name struck me as strange. It felt as if I haven't heard it for years. Like maybe I was tuck into solitary confinement and probably driven to madness by the isolation. But neither things happened and solitary confinement would probably a welcome change from this hectic pressured life. Nonetheless, it gave me that weird sensation - the sensation of familiarity and longing. But that wasn't all.

Given my sarcastic and dark spontaneous humor I always get that feeling of guilty when I hear my name. Like when my mom used to firmly say something when she was being serious. That feeling was there now. Perhaps any minute he could mutter something heartily serious to me on this ordinary day of days. No such thing was being said.

That was just it! There wasn't actually anything serious he firmly wanted. There was no anticipated nagging or annoying reminder. He just wanted to see if everything was okay - the usual manager stuff. Although it somewhat bothered me to a disturbing end, it was just nothing.

It still bothers me to hear my name being said in a somewhat soft and calm way. Maybe I'm just being caught up in the moment that I didn't stop to think that there actually people around me and not just mindless drones rack-a-tack-clicking on their computers.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Pathetic ingrates!

Just got mail from my credit card company.

"Because you've been such a good cardholder..." or "We've increased your credit limit..."

It's kinda ironic that a company that I couldn't give a rat's ass about except for my need to borrow small sums of money actually "appreciate" my patronage. Nevermind the fact that the message was autogenerated by a computer. Hey, at least a computer knows how to be grateful!

On the other hand, a certain company that I work for is a complete incompetent ingrate.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

The Ironies of My Life

Every so often Mr. Murphy likes to pay me a visit.
1.) When I buy something new especially when it's expensive there's a 90% chance something's wrong with the item and sometimes I have to return it several times before I get a good and working product. It doesn't matter what brand it is. Quality does not exist once it's in my hands. The stakes raise to 99% when the item's price tag increases as well.
2.) I always wind up with a bad employer - no matter how prestegious they may be (hey, corporations are not made up of one entity!). I think it's a family karma of some sort because my grandfather was a shrewd businessman who likes to exploit people with small wages and low taxes. Here I am today paying for that goddamn balance of nature!
3.) I do all the hard work and someone else gets rewarded. I get blamed for everything else that goes wrong.
4.) The elevator always stops one floor before my destination.
5.) The public transportation makes more stops when I'm in a hurry.
6.) The one thing I want to take with me is the one thing I leave behind on the way out.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

What are the top 5

...rudest or offensive statements you've heard
Inspired by Ichelle

5. "As a web developer you are expected to spend more time... and your job is just like our software engineers. "
The calm before the storm. Apparently where I work everyone knows more about my job than I do. Kinda makes me wonder why they hired me in the first place. Perhaps they hired me for my good looks and irresistible charm! :p Apparently they also have trouble distinguishing my daily activities as much as distinguishing job positions. It's called mental retardation - stop being a wallflower and seek help! I hear electroshock therapy is not as scary as it sounds.

Do you think I'd be able to give this team the product they need without these so-called "outlawed" activites? Wake up and stop feeding me to the pack of mindless rabid gerbils!

Perhaps they may have removed more than 15% of your brain when they promoted you to manager. So the rumors ARE true!

4. "Di na pwede di nimo buhaton, bai, kai ako man gud kasab-an ni _____ ana." (at 11:00pm) (You can't pass this task off because I'm going to look bad in front of ____)
I admire your honesty. You've got balls telling me in front everyone that I have to do my job to make YOU look good in front of our bosses. Good job! Because everyone else in the team didn't think you had any balls, pussy! Well you got what you wanted. The fact that you got promoted in spite of all your failures (100% failure rate) and consistent ignorance had us all raising our eyebrows. Kinda makes us wonder WHAT REALLY HAPPENED. As for me, you had me raising my blood pressure for MAKING YOU LOOK GOOD WHILE DOING NOTHING while I, on the other hand, get rewarded with a "need to improve your performance" memo. WTF! You put us through hell cleaning up your shit and you ratted me out over nothing? Well, surprise, I tried doing the same thing but surprisingly (and not surprisingly in a personal sense) your boss didn't seem to mind. Free reign! Again, WHAT REALLY HAPPENED?

3. "You should consider doing this in the NEXT FUTURE."
Okay. So it's quite obvious you need INTENSIVE English training from your English teacher wife (which I find disturbingly ironic). I'll try to ignore the fact that this line never did make sense to all us of here in the first place. Perhaps it's the fact that your midsection is highly more developed than your brain that you either have lost track of time (by milleniums) or you believe in reincarnation. Either way I won't be alive long enough to do whatever it is you want me to do.

If it isn't so hard, spend a little more time on the treadmill and enter "10" minutes on the timer. Maybe on YOUR NEXT FUTURE you'd be in better shape. :p Oh, and ask your jackass colleague to join you because apparently HE lost track (by decades) about when he was about to start working out. I'll bet both of you will spend your NEXT FUTURES arguing about when and where to start. I'll try thinking along the lines of INFINITY.

Okay, I admit this doesn't sound rude or offensive but it is annoyingly - well, ANNOYING!

2. "This is not my forte but yours... I think we should do this.... (a long list of nonsense tasks follows where he has absolutely no idea what he's talking about or how stupid it sounds.)"
Although grammatically correct, this moronic contradiction of ignorance and being a control freak sort of makes you more of the pompous jackass than you already are. Nevermind the fact that you are physically incapable of receiving input unless the company paid a huge sum for you to learn useless crap (that I can give you for free) so you can use it to update your resume for your next job. This inherent inability or disability of yours makes it more excruciatingly impossible to work with you without spending hours of justifying what he hell I was talking about in the first place.

I mean, c'mon! You're admitting your ignorance in our jobs but you're telling us HOW to do it? Maybe you should run the whole department by yourself! That would save us all the headaches and maybe I can spend more time on indefinite vacation leave while job hunting in Singapore or Dubai or somewhere.

1. "We're still in the process of selling ourselves."
First and foremost I am (or we are) nobody's bitch! Deal with it! Given the indisputable fact that I am brilliantly good at my job (along with everyone else) while at the same time utilizing each other's skills for our own productive needs, our bosses have faith in our capabilities. So if there's anything to sell, we sold it 2 years ago! I, for one, have nothing more to prove. Perhaps it should be made clearer that YOU are selling yourself to them like the whore-ass bitch that everyone thinks of you. Four letters for you - S-A-L-E. I recommend 90% off your salary to make it worth their time because if it were me there's NO WAY IN HELL I'm buying your bullshit!

Closing words for this blog: "This is one hell of a bridge I'm going to enjoy burning. Hell, if I had a nuke I'd drop two on it!"

Friday, February 23, 2007

My Idol That Wasn't

Since I already mentioned in my previous blog about my childhood I guess it probably needs no introduction.

Let me tell you about a kid that I used to looked up to. He was my next door neighbor. My first friend in this life as far as I can recall. I used to remember the times when we played G.I. Joe the whole day and that every time he made our whistle signal I would run scampering out of the house eager for another self-made adventure. He would come up with new games, new ideas and new hobbies. It didn't matter to me as long as we had a good time. He was sort of the alpha-male in our trio with my brother. Whatever he said, no matter how idiotic and how impossible it sounded, he had a way of making it convincing. After all, he had the IQ of an honor student that neither me nor my brother had that level of intelligence.

My parents often pointed out our degrading behavior as someone with no backbone. Well, if overprotective Mom and Dad didn't do almost EVERYTHING for us when we were kids we wouldn't lack that sense of confidence.

Perhaps today I realize that the only reason I looked up to him was that he was everything I wasn't. I mean he had everything. The guy had the looks and the above average intelligence to match while I was a ball-headed fat kid with a flat nose and a less than satisfactory academic record. He had the best toys, the newest toys and he could do and venture into anything he wanted while my parents never even allowed me to venture more than 100 meters outside our home. I was a prisoner in my own home. My way of living would put Cinderella to shame.

We eventually moved out of our apartment and I never did quite hear from him again. I did drop him a line once a year and eventually got so busy I forgot about him. Last I heard after that was he was in rehab. He was also kicked out of school for organizing a fraternity. I'm not sure if it was in that order.

I really feel sorry for him now. The guy threw it all away because he found out he was adopted. I know I probably could not fathom how he felt but even today he should have learned to realize and to count his blessings. He had an adoptive mother that loved him like he was her own; everything he ever wanted he was granted. What more could a kid want? Yeah, I would want those things he had.

I recently met on the net his best friend. News was that he was divorced, going in and out of rehab centers and prison cells in the United States. He had a gorgeous wife they said. Tsk! Tsk! Another waste of life. You had everything, dude - even after you were on your own!

I really find it amusing that who I idolized as a child was no different from the rock bands my high school classmates worshiped. While they were still busy idolizing fictional people running through cassette tapes and eventually CDs I had high regard to a real live friend who had everything and threw it all away on a truth.

I look back at my imperfect childhood. Sure, I missed a lot of things a child SHOULD have gone through. I could've went camping with my classmates. I could have been picking up school girls while I was in high school. I could have had a nice car. I could have taken up sports or mountaineering or some extreme sport. I had none of these. Some people had it going for them and threw it away for pathetic reasons.

Up to this day I could still humbly say that I am nothing compared to most of the people I know. Yet every now and then I hear one of them losing themselves to the dark road to nowhere. It goes from unplanned pregnancies, alcoholism, gambling, scandals, crime or some just plain quit on life. It could well be any fucked up excuse there is.

I always expected that one way or another I would go down the dreaded path of misdirection as they did. I just didn't expect that they'd go there before I did.

I am still here.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Career realizations

Shit happens.

Yep, it's inevitable. One way or another we are unwitting victims to Murphy's Law. However, in my book Murphy's Law has some holes of opportunity in it.

Three months ago I got suspended from work due to non-business use of company resources - by THEIR judgment not mine. Apparently, in this company engineers and IT technicians know more about my job than I do. Now being an anti-employer person I took it as if nothing happened. I really didn't care if I was getting suspended or getting fired. There I was going out of the office with a big smile on my face. There goes the last drop of my professional soul. I could throw ethics out the door as well but I may have to do that at a later time.

It is in times of crisis that you really get to see things in perspective. After all the late nights of work and countless occasions of being forced to kiss a white boy's ass, what do I get? My manager feeds me to the very people who have wrongfully accused me of abusing company resources. It's a nice feeling to know that the person who's supposed to have your back ends up stabbing it. Someone else gets the leading role and the promotion and I am the one slapped with a "need to improve" notice. My, God, this company has an interesting incentive program for hard work! I used to think that the program management joke "the rewarding of the non-contributors and the punishment of the innocent" was just mere sarcasm. It's not funny now that you're the punchline.

The suspension being "rewarded" to me was a sign...
that I should stop taking my company seriously because THEY don't take me seriously.
that maybe I should find a love life in the real world than on the Internet.
that I should dedicate 1/4 of my time for my job and 3/4 for myself. It used to be the other way around. This is the turning point in my life right here! I've seen more people throw there lives away for this reason than with any other vice I've known. Some people go the career path and never quite come back out of it alive. I'm still 29 years old. I want to salvage what's left of my life instead of wasting it all away on THIS. This was the time I've made that choice. I may never have it again.

As the story of Capt. Hernan Cortes goes, he burned his ships to prevent his troops from retreating. My manager friend told me not to burn bridges. I think otherwise. Although it is not necessary to do so I am NOT afraid to burn bridges in my career. Why would I want to go back to a company who was unkind and unfair to me? Even if that wasn't the case, why go back at all? This advice obviously sounds like anticipated desperation. I'm not that desperate! If the reason was for background checks it isn't that hard to tell your next employer that your previous one had a serious case of being mentally disturbed (try the pedophile excuse. It works all the time with former expat employers!). Go figure. With any luck and some pity they'll probably promote you to manager right away. They'll proceed immediately to removing 15% of your brain, which, coincidentally, is that same amount of brain activity we use to think. But if you're getting laid err... paid two times than your last job the loss is negligible. If you're the type who did NOTHING in your last job you won't even miss it.

My former-colleague-promoted-to-manager advised me to be a little more civil about some of my frustrations. He occasionally talked to me in private in his office and he would give me this half-smile that would project his feeling of awkwardness of his new role and looking at someone he likes to taunt on a daily basis. Contrary to his advice, I don't throw flowers to garbage. A large chunk of the world only understands the language of violence. No matter how you try to deny it, the only way to survive in this world is learn a little bit of your primal instincts.

I thought that this was it but for the first time during my stay in this company I can shamefully say I was wrong. Wrong in choosing.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

The Psychoanalyst Syndrome

There's one born every minute! It's some whimsical retard always yapping uncontrollably about what you didn't or did do as a result of your naiveté or spontaneous result thereof.

To put it in a "Websterian" context (dictionary for you retards) I would describe the Psychoanalyst Syndrome as:

"noun. A person with an inexplicable impulse to analyze someone else's behavior, actions, outcome of these actions or manner of thinking (more on the negative side) with the sole intention of gratifying himself/herself with the thought that he/she has degraded or belittled the person by means of judging them through their actions."

They also have the sense of satisfaction that they "think" they know you because they just figured you out. That being said we sometimes (ironically) encounter such people in the most dreary moments in our pitiful lives. While their intentions are PROBABLY noble, their agenda is somewhat twisted. These people apparently relish the thought that you actually feel more miserable than you already are. One word out of your dilemma and they immediately and nonsensically start this chatterbox impulse to rant endlessly about it like that overbearing mother you WISH you never had. When they're done with you you'll be in worse shape than you were before - feeling so miserable and even to the point of being regretful of the things you never even bothered to care about. You probably shouldn't even care in the first place!

Okay, so maybe they aren't inexplicable considering I have just explained their chain of thought. How about despicable? LOL. The Psychoanalyst has just been psychoanalyzed!

I once came across such a pitiful soul a few months back. They called her "ate" (big sister) because of her ability to give "sensible" advice. I read through her advice in the forum and all I ever see are just lines and lines of nags while outwardly scolding the problematic person. I briefly became her acquaintance for a time. She was intelligent to talk to. (at least by my standards) However, it usually comes to a point where we argue a lot and frequently asks me if I'm pissed off. Considering I was already in a state of passivity I really didn't give a rat's ass to what she thought. Nonetheless, she still kept asking me if I was angry as if she was discretely MAKING SURE I was pissed off. No dice, babe. She was far too much of a pathetic, bitter soul to put me down.

She eventually read through my entire blog site and became perplexed at how my actual nature contradicts my literature. How can I be two personalities at the same time? I simply replied: "So it's to make sure people like YOU don't figure me out." The psychoanalyst has fallen! Her prejudices and pretenses came crumbling down like a house of cards. For someone who is used to an outcast and being shunned ("misunderstood" according to her) she ended up deleting me from her buddy list and her Friendster. Touché! This is for all your victims!

I admit that I am an occasionally bitter guy but I somewhat find an amusing comfort in the thought that there are those that are already beyond the borderline of being bitter to being plain pathetic.

True friends do not speak to you this way. They make you feel better, NOT make you feel more miserable. So it's about time you start realizing who your friends are.

What others are yacking...