Thursday, September 13, 2007

What the fuck?! I'm old!

I used to stand in a group of people and nobody would suspect that I'm a person close to reaching his thirties. Nobody sold me liquor or allowed me into bars due to my youthful appearance. While other people in my situation would consider it a good thing I considered it a burden. The real fact here is that, with my appearance in mind, nobody would take me seriously. In this day and age [or probably any day and age for that matter] nobody takes someone seriously who is under 20. Unless, of course, if I were a 16-year old gang member.

For the past few weeks I have been staring at myself in the mirror and toying with my new Samsung SGH-U700. I cannot help but notice the significant change in my appearance. The skin on my face and eyes no longer possessing its luster. This progressively put me in a state of more frustration. As much as I'd like to wish for myself the appearance of someone my age, the rate at which my appearance has degraded is way too significant. Today is yet another stern reminder of the consequence of my persistence.

I dreamt the other day that worms were trying to get under my skin. Dream dictionaries translate this as someone trying to take advantage of my good nature. I never noticed how much that made sense until today.

I again want to remind myself not to sacrifice any more of my time on my job. As a teenager all I ever wanted was to quit school and get a high paying job. I finished college anyway because I realized that multinational companies enjoyed the bullshit college graduates offered. Diploma in BS . Makes sense: BullShit in Engineering.

God, was I so wrong?! I wasted a good deal of my life dreaming of the wrong thing.

My last job was the inevitable consequence. The due punishment for being foolishly idealistic. I aged more in the past 3 years working my ass off in this pathetic company than I ever did in all my past 5 years of working. Nevermind the fact that I don't get rewarded for it. Instead of looking young for my age I LOOK LIKE my age and probably more.

I really can't stand to look at myself in the mirror these days. I feel used, ripped off and left to rot.

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