Tuesday, July 08, 2008


It's one of the ironies of life. The one moment you want the most and Mr. Murphy wasn't going to just hand it over to you. I'm talking about my elevator irony. You are on your way to work and the elevator just had to stop one floor before your designated floor. You just had to strangle the bastard through the door and move the elevator one floor up!

In my case it was early and I was still on my way to work and one of the typical disgusting experiences I have while riding the elevator just waddled her way into the elevator with only one floor to go. The bulging five foot nothing woman stood in front of us eclipsing the doors. I was afraid that if anything happened to us in the elevator this planetary body out of orbit would be the very death of us whichever way the elevator fell.

Finally, my floor arrived (Freedom!) and FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-ALL-THAT'S-HOLY this over-sized bowling ball went out with me. What the fuck?! You bugged us all for one fucking floor?! It's no wonder this anomaly of human mass and density exists! She can't even use the damn stairs for one lousy floor and she desperately needed the exercise! By the She-Hulk look on her face I can only cringe in assumption that she's not as bit as happy with her hideous predicament.

Is there a hidden rule somewhere that weighing at an unknown exponential value gives us the constitutional right to be assholes? It has always been my subjective opinion that being overweight is a matter of choice and not some damn disease that needs to be treated as what researchers are trying to do. You give lazy people an excuse to be lazy and they might as well find ways to just remove our brains and put them in some machine and make the sole purpose of humanity think. Not a pretty sight, ey? Why don't they just go back to finding the cure for cancer like they originally did?

I just wanted to scream "use the fucking stairs you fat lazy bitch!"

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