Friday, May 08, 2009

Answering the "What Ifs"

I get a lot of comments that I look too young for my age but I would like to state beforehand that I am not saying this in a gloating tone. No, sir.

It has come to my personal annoyance that this has gone on for so long that I am not at all flattered by the fact that no one takes me seriously because I "look young" or the fact that my first name sounds like I am a fucking Muslim terrorist! Mind you that I can land on you like a ton of bricks if you so much as underestimate me in a belittling tone. Well, as all things human would go, it has already been a calculated prediction that how consistently moronic and inconsistently idiotic my post may seem that anyone would bother to take me seriously anyway. Hell, I don't take myself too seriously either!

There are no "fountain of youth" secrets here. I drink, I smoke, I sleep late, I masturbate more than I care to think about and I border on depression and emotionless states. No, these are not the things that keep anyone from looking young and yet I stay that way anyway. Why?

Frankly, I have no idea! I've seen people around me age faster and some, of course, are just like me so no gloating here that I'm the only one blessed with this genetic advantage. I do have one theory though: Experiences.

Those people who look older have gone through so much as opposed to what little I have been through. Is experience the catalyst for rapid aging? I can only speculate about it but the connection seems all too common.

I am a child to the world and I guess I'll forever stay that way. I guess it's because I always play on the safe and comfort zones. Never taking risks and regretting the opportunities that were denied to me. It is only recently that I have started taking on the "what ifs" in my life. I stopped playing safe. I decided to take plunges and leaps of faith. I realized that I am the type who doesn't believe in life after death. This is the only life I've got so I might as well make the most of it. Sure, I know that some risks consequently knock me down in a demeaning or hurtful state but why stay down?

Hey, it was only last week that I was down on my emotions over someone and something that had no obvious direction. Yet, I woke up last Monday feeling somewhat refreshed - rejuvenated - as if I've been incubating in a cocoon. It's really, really strange. I was smiling. I was... HAPPY! I guess it was because I realized that this person was weighing me down trying to keep me in need and making sure that I would always be miserable so I had nowhere else to run. Yet here I am. Smiling. Cheerful. Free. (No, guys, it's not a girlfriend! I've been single for over a year now.) The feeling of doubt in my past was set free. I was moving forward - regardless of the unknown. A "what if" was answered. In fact, a lot of what ifs in this past year were answered. Last year was... tumultuous and yet... satisfyingly interesting. At least I got a new hobby out of it! Plus the fact that I made my family happy and proud. ;)

To top it all off I received this inspiring text message from a friend saying this: "When you have found the reason to walk away, never look back. Just keep on walking, even if the destination is unclear. It will take a lot of courage for every step you make, but it will save some pride and honor for yourself. It's better to get lost moving on thant being stranded and broken after all."

One week and I'm better? God, I love bein' a man! God, next time make it an hour! :)

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