Thursday, June 25, 2009

Mistakes, Failures and Humility

While self-confidence is an admirable quality, there is quite a decent and honorable value in projecting humility in the times of our downfall. In fact, while most of us think of ourselves as gods or, in fact, create one, it is our flaws that give us a huge slap of realization about our humanity.

Everyone makes mistakes. That's a given. Admitting one's mistake is another story because more than once in my experience with people this is surprisingly a daunting task for some individuals.

Ideally in a relationship, be it successful or failed - most especially failed, should be an opportunity to learn - to grow. It is a chance for us to reflect on the things that went right, what went wrong and what is worth appreciating be it good OR bad. Consequentially, the brilliant human beings that we are, we should also formulate what needs to be done for the future.

Sounds pretty simple, right? Mmmm.... I wouldn't exactly say THAT simple. You see, some people have a problem with this and this is where my little unofficial psychology experiment goes: A person who has trouble admitting they did something wrong in their past relationship is unwittingly fated to do it again! You didn't learn anything. You're too stubborn to change so prepare for a world and a lifetime of frustration. Of course, basic human behavior is if you learned what you did wrong you won't do it again. You know, like having sex in a public place and not getting caught or learning that posting nude photos of yourself actually attracts members of the SAME sex.

It surprises me that the world is teeming with people who suffer from attitude problems in this aspect. Every so often I come across people who claim that they did no wrong in their past relationship and that it was their partner's fault. Sure, sure... everyone screws up. That doesn't make you infallible. I stay away from people like these. You can't talk to them you and you can't tell them anything. It's like talking to a raging river - loud and unstoppable but destined to going down and ending in nothingness.

Red lights on three things:
1) Blaming your partner for a failed relationship doesn't speak well of you - even if it's true.
2) Complete inability to admit one's mistakes shows that there is something wrong... WITH YOU.
3) Admitting your mistakes with an excuse that you "loved too much" or that you "trusted them too much" is not a valid concession of your mistakes. It basically translates as "it was my fault that it was their fault". The only person who believes you is you.

I usually see through a person's sincerity if they admit they made emotional lapses (without the usual excuse above) on their part. For me, a person who openly admits their mistakes in a relationship while at the same time answering the "what have we learned" part of that admission is the most sincere of all. Humility is the key to gaining respect. Gaining respect is where you earn your self-confidence and not a moment sooner. You fell you got up by realizing it was you alone who tripped.

That's all there is to it. Just like an insane person admitting their insanity and a drug addict admitting their addiction, the path to recovery starts with you. Don't look for scapegoats in your failed relationships. They don't exist but at least you can start by looking at the mirror!

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