Saturday, September 12, 2009

If women were cars

There are jokes that float around on the net about the differences between women and beer, women and guns and so on but since I'm the type who sees the similarities of things I decided to take the two things we men dig and merge them in to one fine mockery of our masculine lives. Let's face it. Woman and cars do have a lot in common budget-wise and functional-wise.

The middle class sedan.

A lot can be said about this series. I'm no car expert but I would classify the Honda Civic, Honda Jazz, Toyota Altis or the Vios. Women of this type are low cost, efficient, dependable and simple. In short, they serve their purpose. They aren't exactly top of the line but with a little investment it could amount to something. Hence, import tuner cars are the result. I would think of women like these are those who evolved to something better either by themselves or with some help. Either way, I would consider them keepers.

The luxury sedan.

I would put the Toyota Camry or the Honda Accord in this line. Women that I categorize here share the same characteristics of these models as well: unreasonably expensive, pointlessly high maintenance and completely USELESS. It is the stereotypical "with bods like these who needs brains?". And just like the cars in this category, their sole purpose is simply for showing off. Hence, the "LUXURY" in "Luxury cars". If you're a shallow little fucker then I guess this is the model, er... woman for you. Obviously, just like cars in general they eventually become expensive to maintain in the long run (that's why the term "high maintenance woman") and they don't exactly get any prettier with age. At least with cars you can buy parts to keep it in shape. With women like these, while they they do sell breast implants they don't exactly sell replacement brains for the one they are reputed to NOT have. I wish I could say something redeeming about this type but I'd be lying. :p

The exotic race car.

Ferraris, Lamborghini's and whatnots. These women are up there where the rest of us drool in hopeless amazement and envy. Oh, and don't mix these with the previous category! These models don't just talk the talk - they walk the walk! If by chance you happen to snag on of these babies they're most likely worth every penny and to the LAST DIME. I stress "to the last dime" very clearly because that is what it's gonna cost you and it's probably how much of what you have will be left after grabbing one of these. They do not come easy and they do not come cheap. In fact, most of the time THEY choose you. They cost more and they are even more high maintenance but at least with the right knowledge, handling and care they are worth more in the long run. Unlike previous models who have to rack up their shit to measure up to this babe, the sophistication, the class, the performance and the style are all in-built. There are no hacks or cheats on this one. They are designed and built that way. They are the top of the food chain.

While most of us would immediately conclude that the last one would be the way to go, I would remind myself that I am no expert racer. After all, there is such a thing as too much hardware for you! Too much, of course, can be a bad thing. A test drive perhaps? I shudder at the thought that a few laps (not a pun for lap dance, mind you) on this thing would probably cost a few paydays. Hell, I'm not even sure if they allow it on most areas. If you're up for it, a few months of instant noodles isn't so bad.

The fact that I've been sticking to the first and third lately probably tells me I'm not as shallow as I might have originally thought.

1 comment:

Miss Jas said...

wala lagi gi categorize ang jeepney?

What others are yacking...