Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Psychological Benefits of Masturbation

Let's face it, guys. There's nothing like a quick wank to get the testosterone out of your system. To my love, I apologize in advance for the content contained in this blog. ;)

I admit there are times we just have the carnal urge to just get it on with anything with a hole. So my advice would be this: Do NOT resist temptation! Yes! Give in to the call to spank the monkey, polish the bishop, choke the chicken and all the other colorful discrete metaphors we can think of.

Why would I do this sickening and perverse act, you may ask? Am I such a hopeless loser who can't laid on a Friday night? The fact here, folks, is that I am doing this because I DON'T want to get laid. Call me a whining, paranoid excuse for a guy but I am completely in fear of the pussy at large. Everytime I even welcome the thought of going after an easy lay the thought of STDs, jealous boyfriends (and girlfriends if they swing that way), BFFs with Paris Hilton, celebrity's ex-girlfriend (again, male or female) and worse, actually manifesting Rambling Chad Jr!

What makes this scenario even worse is that the urge gets stronger each time you resist. Lack of sex obviously increases your libido. Believe me, from a man's point of view, no sex means the brain stops functioning and our body goes into autopilot mode - autopilot meaning our body now INSTINCTIVELY and blindly looks for the next juicy cherry to pop. In this mode it can be argued that we resort to basic (lower) brain functions. Yes, this justifies the reason why women think we think with our shafts

On a positive note, if you have just fiddled the ferret I find that I am far more capable of thinking clearly and resisting the charms of some duplicitious bitch. No jack-off means good-bye to all your sense of will power! So do this before thinking. If it doesn't work then I guess you must really be in a far hopeless state of being in love. (Jack off some more!)

When in doubt, wank it off, guys! ;)

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