Monday, March 12, 2012

How to judge friends and strangers on Facebook

"Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are"

Never has this line held more truth and irony than on Facebook.

Whenever a stranger adds me or I just happen to be browsing on "recommended friends" it's always such an amusing chore to see our friends in common. It is at this point where I decide whether I should just shoot myself for how pathetic the human race really is.

It works like this: You may not know strangers but you at least know some bit about your friends (unless you're a social whore then this blog should be irrelevant). So every time I'm looking at someone I don't know, my friends are always a reliable guide that tells me who they are. Being the "friendly" chatterbox that I am I have, say, a well-rounded circle of acquaintances, weirdos and other imaginary friends.

In effect, Stranger A, 21, female, has my fashionista and socialite friends in common which leads me to conclude that she is an outgoing spoiled brat and will most likely have no future or accomplishment in life other than to write a meaningless blog like this one or start a very UNORIGINAL clothing line promoted by none other than the who's who in her social circle. But my stereotyping doesn't exactly stop there, if, say, the same person has some of my "intellectual" friends then there is some redeeming factor to her qualities. Perhaps she reads books and watches the news although I'm not holding my breath. Once there's are a good number of gimikeros and gimikeras in the mix it's hard to believe from here on that the sensible common friends are meaningful connections rather than a formality (friend of the bro or sis).

In contrast, Stranger B, 30, male also has my socialite friends in common but is also friends with my overly religious group and politically active lot. This leads me to draw a picture of an outgoing person who uses religion and politics to gain friends. The politics will lead me to conclude that this person is either a noisemaker or a whiner about every issue. The socialites he gained are most probably the outcome and not the source (which is always the case). In any case, he'd probably be a drunkard sinner who holds office by now and probably banging Stranger A (who may very well be underage) while I sit here drooling in envy.

As a final example, my last relationship had premature moms, separated mothers and countless common friends and socialites who had no sense of time and organization. No surprises here. I ended up dating someone who was emotionally immature (based on the single parents) and irresponsible (based it from the time wasting friends). I guess you can imagine the frustration I had to go through.

I believe this is an innate skill. Your friends are different from mine so make your judgement based on these variations of connections. Ultimately, you will be able to draw a sensible profile of the stranger your are seeing based on your common friends.

Edit (2014/6/7): I don't know why I forgot to include a person's online interaction.
It doesn't surprise me that the more "likes" a person has on their profile photos or anywhere else shows the amount of attention whoring this person actually does. I guarantee you they are this close to blowing their tops off to maintain that limelight.

Please, don't delude yourself of being popular. The reason you get that much attention is because your viewers are eagerly anticipating the day when you realize that your popularity doesn't require a generous amount of clothing.

This goes in conjunction with the previous point. On average, a person with 100+ likes never actually interacts with anyone, because they already get the satisfaction of knowing that they get the desired likes they need. It is rare that you see a delusional popular person interact with their "fans".

I don't believe your friends are purely by choice. Sometimes they are there either by need or interest.

By the way, please, don't rain on me about "having no right to judge". We as a species have EVERY right to judge each other and this happens to us every damn day. Your job, your school, your friends. It's naive to think you have no say in others and leave it up to an imaginary deity above to do this for you.

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