Saturday, December 15, 2012

How I made myself complete by being single

I celebrate yet more than a year of bachelorhood.

A lot has happened since then. Good things. 
But I cannot stress enough that humbling epiphany one dark night in a room beside someone who has long been a stranger to me. Why am I unhappy? That was the lingering question that kept me up that night (along with that loud screamer in the next room who I believe are lesbians because I couldn't hear a man's voice).

We had yet another one of those "drama" moments. Yes, you get that when you date a drama queen - an expensive one - that cries over the most petty issues. It made me realize that the only way for this relationship to work was for me to bend over - literally - and use up every penny in my wallet along with a great deal of emotional suffering. 

Whether I like to believe it or not, that night was the most soul sucking experience I have ever had to date. Here I was in the dark with the constant banging and moaning in the other room and I was pondering this question. How can being in a relationship make me feel so... INCOMPLETE? Wasn't that the whole point? To be complete or to share in your completeness? I felt none of that. If anything I felt more empty - more lonely.

That was the last night we spent together. For a time I was a little mixed up. I wasn't sad because of the break up. I was sad because I felt guilty about the whole dumper thing. You would think that if you were on the other end of the breakup you would feel a little better but sad to say it isn't. On the other hand, I was celebrating, I no longer had deal with empty promises, false hopes, frustrations and disappointments. It wasn't going anywhere and I have to admit a large part of that was my fault. I really didn't want to commit - not to her at least. :p I confess that many months prior to this I already saw it was going nowhere so I slowly built up my strength to let go.

Fast forward to today, and I've been on drinking binges, cross country travels, had many dates, met interesting people (reconnected with some) and made friends along the way. All this never would have been possible if I were hung up on just one person. It just wasn't going to happen. 

Quite frankly, my friends, family, job, hobbies and mostly this world (with the occasional asshole) made me more complete and more alive than any intimate relationship ever could.

Enjoy your bachelorhood, guys. You may even make it a life long status.

"You can be committed temporarily, but you can never take back the time you lost in it."

Oh, by the way, spare me your speech about having a girlfriend and a family. Those aren't free and, please, even though I haven't read the book "The art of seduction" I know enough that whatever justification you have will be in that book. I will be in a relationship when I feel it is time.

No comments:

What others are yacking...